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Saturday, January 3, 2009

Idle Set Too High

(Note that my Duster was, I kid you not, Pea Green)

Back in the 70', when I learned how to drive & had my first car (a 1974 Plymouth Duster), cars had carburetors that did some technical things to make the car work (not worth getting into...but suffice to say that modern cars have, instead, fuel injection). Anyway, these carburetors would be adjusted to make your engine run faster or slower at idle; if you had a quasi-crappy car, you often had the idle set high so that it wouldn't stall out on you.

So nice discussion about the cutting-edge of 70's fuel management, but what the hell does that have to do with anything?

Yesterday was just one of those days where I felt like my idle was set too was as if things were just racing inside me. Part of it, I think, is the fact that it was a day off, but I just kept going and going and going and going, and every time I turned around someone or something needed attention. The other part is that Kate will be starting school soon, and along with that there are just a host of financial things to work out; she doesn't really get much in the way of financial aid, so more than half her costs are born my me. I'm not complaining about that, but it is very stressful, as it is a lot of money. That's one of the reasons why I financed the dental implant...I need my liquid money for Kate's college expenses. So again, it was as if my motor was revving far too fast for the rest of me. I had all the symptoms: displaced anger, edginess, restlessness, etc. The closest example I can give to something similar is when there is really something difficult going down at the office and I end up going into this "auto pilot" mode, where it's almost soldier-like.

Hmmm, I'm wondering if this makes absolutely any sense to the "outside world"?

Well what do to about such things? First, I'm not a "pill popping" kind of person, so that's out of the question, although I do have something I can take if needed. This was something my Doctor and I worked out for those instances where I find myself under so much stress at work that my heart starts pounding. The downside is that they tend to make me tired. What I did do was to take a short cat nap, which did seem to help. The other things about yesterday was that I really didn't accomplish what I set out to for the day, which made the feeling I had even worse. Today it will be different in that I've got two big things to do (take down the tree...sorry "Little Christmas") and clean out the refrigerator. It's amazing if you think about it in that one of my biggest frustrations at work is my inability to keep to my schedule...which is pretty much what yesterday was all about.

The cheap and easy thing to do here is to:
1. Blame others
2. Take a pill

I'm going to do things differently. I have my plan and I'm going to exercise my right to say "No" if there are requests to deviate from it. Hell, if someone wants help me that's fine, but my plan is my plan is my plan.

In the good news department, I FINALLY found a copy of Linda Ronstadt's "I Can't Let Go". It's one of those songs that just sticks in your head, and I've been searching for it for the longest time. Score!

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