Conditioning the Air

I've probably mentioned once or twice over the years that I grew up poor.  Now not "we ate lard sandwiches and had holes in our shoes" poor, but definitely on the lower end of the economic scale.  This was something I was painfully aware of as a kid, where "painfully aware of" means that I was ashamed of it.  Now I could go down a rabbit hole on that one, and maybe I will one day, but for now, the thing that spurred this whole thought in my head was air conditioning.

As a side note, according to the United States government (via the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), July 2020 was the warmest month ever.  Reference HERE.  As in the warmest, on average, for the entire planet.  Having spent July 2020 doing a lot of work outside (I have some free time; see HERE), this fact does not surprise me one iota.  

Anyway, growing up my single-parent mother worked the night shift.  Trying to sleep during the day is tough; trying to sleep during the day when it's hotter than Daisy Fuentes, circa 1988, is nearly impossible.  The solution for my mother was a set of dark curtains and, during the summer, an actual window air conditioner (I'm going to say AC from now on, as I'm already tired of spelling out "air conditioning").  That was a luxury which was more or less a necessity for her.  The rest of us lived in a completely un-air-conditioned environment.  Granted that this was the 1970's and very early 1980's, but it was still hot in June, July & August while living in Scranton, Pennsylvania.  

We survived.

Now I'm not going to turn this into a "kids today are soft..." kind of rant, because this isn't about kids.  While the cost of air conditioners has gone down dramatically since I was young, your average 10-year-old in 2020 probably still doesn't have the means to buy their own AC unit.  The extent to which I think AC is over-used these days, well, that's squarely on the shoulders of the adults in the world.

These days, our home as two ductless and two window AC units.  My office, from which all of this spew originates, is not a room where we use AC.  That's on purpose, by the way.  While getting hot and sweaty isn't on my short-list of fun things to do, I just don't like being in a room with AC for an extended period of time.  To me, fresh air, even if it is on the hot side, is far better than the alternative.  I do have a pedestal fan running in the office now, but I'd like to think that is just moving around the fresh air, as opposed to "conditioning" it.  One of the ductless AC units is in our bedroom, and we do use it if the night is going to be on the warm side.  This is in part because of the fact that I have, for my entire life, been engaged a running cold war (no pun intended) with sleep, so there's no sense in handing the "can't sleep" side some extra ammunition.  

Back to the point at hand.  Maybe I truly am the crazy one, but I look at almost hermetically sealed homes with a bit of disbelief.  Windows are truly fine and functional, and there are few things better than a summer breeze and the smell of nature in the air.  The improvement of simply making it cooler inside seems like it comes at just too high of a cost when you chronically miss those things.

By the way, next year's breezes here should include the smell of the honeysuckle I planted and have been dutifully caring for since April.  

Free advice:  Open your windows and actually smell the fresh air.

And wear a mask when you go outside for Pete's sake.

Exile on Corona Street, Day 12

 

Effective yesterday (Friday, March 27th), the governor of Pennsylvania issued a "Stay At Home" order for Lackawanna and Luzerne counties.  Details can be found HERE.  From a practical standpoint, it really doesn't change much for me or Ms. Rivers, as we were pretty much just staying home anyway.  The hope is though that more folks will be more cautious in the days and weeks to come.

I get, by the way, how difficult this is for many.  Heck, I don't like to socialize, but even I am starting to get some cabin fever.  The reality though is that the alternative is worse.

In terms of where Pennsylvania is at this point (7:15pm on Saturday, March 28th), there have been 28,005 residents tested for Covid-19, of which 25,254 have had negative results (90.2%) and 2,751 (or 9.8%) have had a positive result.  There have been 34 fatalities attributed to Covid-19, make the death rate 1.2%.  Current numbers can be found HERE.  I mention this not out of some morbid curiosity, but rather to (at least for me) put this in perspective:  While this is terrible...and we need to do everything possible to end this as soon as possible...the infection rate is still relatively low.  Assuming that the total number of cases (28,005) is dramatically understated and that the real number is actually triple that (84,015), the infection rate in the general population would stand at 0.6%*.  AGAIN, my point isn't that "this is a very low number, therefore we don't have to worry about it"...instead, it's "this is a low number, so if we act now, we can potentially save a lot of lives".

The above noted, any life lost to this is a tragedy.  For example, I learned last night that one of the people who hired me at Prudential in 1988, and who was my first Director, recently passed away as a result of the pandemic.  Augie (August) A. Urgola, was one of a kind individual.  I could spend the next 5,000 words telling "Augie Stories", but I'll just list two:

• First - It was 1990 (or so) and one of my clients was laying off a ton of people.  I was talking to Augie about it, and he said in complete sincerity, once the business side of our conversation was over, that it (laying off people) was terrible and that one of the things companies are supposed to do is employ people.  I was 26 years old at the time, and that perspective has stayed with me all these years later.  I've thought about that conversation every time I was laying people off or getting laid off myself**.  This was Augie's simple but profound wisdom at work.
• Second - It was 2012 (or so) and I was a Director in HR, conducting some kind of training in our Woodbridge, NJ office.  The class was gathering, and the doors were still open.  Just as I was about to begin, Augie, walking by, sees me, comes into the classroom, lets out a very loud hello, shakes my hand as if I was his long-lost son, asks me how I was doing (etc.) and then proceeds to tell the entire class...the room was full...to "make sure you listen to Steve...he's really smart" (or something like that).  Understand I had not seen Augie for a couple of years, and by then he was a very successful Sales VP.  In a large, formal, sophisticated company like Prudential, well, people just didn't do that sort of thing.  But Augie was an original, and he did.  I don't have enough words in me to say just how happy that simple gesture made me feel.

I could tell a few more (including a time when Augie and I were in Kansas City, MO or the time a bunch of us got Augie talking about the JFK assassination), but I'm just one voice in a chorus of people who have countless Augie stories.  Anyway, may Augie Rest in Peace.  You can read Augie's obituary HERE.

Sadly, there will be more Augie-like stories to come.  This is all the more reason we need to take steps now to prevent even more tragedies.  This, all of this, matters.

On that note, I am a bit drained.

Oh, and before I forget, let's be careful out there.

* * * * * *

(*) Based on a total population of 12,820,878 (source HERE).

(**) I went into my former office yesterday morning to pack my stuff and bring it home.  As I was packing, that very same Augie story came to mind.  A day and a half later, I find myself thinking that, while in the past CEOs were lauded for making tough decisions...including to "rightsize" their organizations...maybe now we'll save the lauding for CEOs that do the opposite...that find a way to keep people employed through these difficult times.  Augie would approve.

Update, From (sort of) Introvert Paradise

A follow-up, of sorts, to THIS posting.

I hope anyone reading this is doing well, given the circumstances.  I say this knowing full well that things are going to get worse before they get better.  I also know that's the epitome of negativity, but when it comes to a serious business such as this, well, valuing facts is more important than any kind of spin, positive or otherwise.

Just how bad will it get?  Here's an interesting and informative article on that very subject.

Time Magazine:  Coronavirus Spread

As for myself and my wife, well, we're in good shape.  Fortunately, we began making preparations since mid-February, so we have more than enough of the essentials to last a while, including cat food.  Granted that there will very likely be some inconveniences coming up...for everyone...but sometimes being inconvenienced is better than being sick (or worse).  We're both working on behavior changes as well, including being careful what we touch and avoiding large crowds.  We even have hand sanitizer in our cars so that we can even disinfect a bit after being out.

By the way, there's a lot of misinformation about the use of hand sanitizer out there.  For example, I was in a store checkout line and the 50's-ish woman in front of me was loudly proclaiming that hand sanitizer only killed bacteria.  While washing your hands is the best defense against picking up a virus, hand sanitizer can help.  Just ask the Mayo Clinic.

Mayo Clinic:  Does Hand Sanitizer Kill Cold and Flu Germs?

Changing behavior is difficult.  I am notorious for touching my face and rubbing my eyes.  That's something I am working on changing.  It's not easy, but I try to remind myself of just utterly ridiculous it would be for me to get sick because of a compulsion. When it comes to times like this, sometimes the little things are big things.

An area where I am admittedly at something of an advantage is social distancing.  I don't really enjoy socializing all that much, and in fact, the places were I spend most of my time (my home and work offices) are decidedly low-traffic affairs.  In fact, my work office is at the end of a hallway, and the nearest office that's regularly used is a good 20 feet away.  For once in my life, appearing to be anti-social is actually an advantage (of sorts).  With Spring nearly here, I've also started doing some yard-work, which I both enjoy and which is about one of the seemingly lowest risk endeavors out there these days.

Granted, I do have worries:

• I worry about parents who have to face children being home from school without any child-care arrangements available.
• I worry about the healthcare workers we depend on...especially now...who will be at a far greater risk of infection than the rest of us.  
• I worry about people who truly live paycheck-to-paycheck that may struggle with basic necessities as this drags on.
• I worry about the elderly and those with chronic medical conditions who will suffer the most from this outbreak.

I'll do my best to help where I can.

Lastly, we should also think about what happens after this outbreak.  There could be enormous good resulting from all of this...such as a national realization that healthcare is a fundamental right, and that there should be a universal standard of sorts for sick-time.  No one should be forced to go to work and possibly infect others purely on the basis of personal finances.  I also hope that this re-focuses our national attention away from lying politicians and sensational media and towards rational decision-making grounded in both compassion and a healthy respect for what science teaching us.  

Be careful out there.  Don't take unnecessary chances.  Make rational decisions.  Rely on a preponderance of the evidence, not what some talking head on TV reads from a teleprompter or what some social media Russian Bot posts on-line.  Question those would have you believe that everything is okay or that this is the end of the world as we know it (the truth is somewhere in the middle; in fact, let's hope that the word does change).

Lastly, and most importantly in my mind, be kind.  Simply be kind.  Help people.  Show compassion.  Reject anger and those who push a blame-agenda.

To end on a more positive note, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. George Harrison.

Sleep

"Sleep, those little slices of death, how I loathe them"

- Author Uknown

I've probably noted a few times in this space about the relationship I have with sleeping.  At best, I'd call that relationship one of convenience; at worst, well, it's a kind of war of sorts, all fought within the confines of my head.  

My Head, At Bedtime

"Boy, I am actually tired, this is great...I'll be able to fall asleep quickly."

Then it comes time to turn things off and actually fall asleep.  That's when my head starts telling me "crap, I don't know if I can actually fall asleep".  The good news is that I usually do fall asleep fairly quickly, but even then part of me fights it.

My Head, Asleep

"Let's get a few dozen images and tie them together in some truly surreal stories."
Saying that I can have vivid dreams is like saying "there might be a Tuesday next week".  In fact, I have vivid dreams just about every night.  Right now I can remember details of some, even those that are days, weeks or months ago.  I'll admit that here, but I won't describe them, as often they just don't make any sense; maybe they did at the time, but now I'm simply left with fragments floating around in my head, like shipwreck debris on the water.  As someone who tries to go about my life in a logical and ordered way, my dream time is chaotic and disordered.  There are times when I really don't want to go to sleep on account of not wanting to subject myself to yet another round of mental chaos.

My Head, Early Morning

"Hey, wake up!  Here are a half dozen important things to consider."

Pretty much between 5 and 6am my head grows weary of the disjointed chaos of my dream state and starts to ponder the realities of the day to come.  That's the point of no return, and by then I usually can no more fall back to sleep than I could create cold fusion in a blender.  

I'll note that I try to fall asleep around 11pm-ish, and during the week, I am up and out of bed by 6:15am.  My actual odds of sleeping a bit later are far better during the week than they are during the weekend.  That's downright cruel.

Now I have had nights where I've gotten a good night's sleep and felt refreshed in the morning.  I think that's actually happened twice in my adult life.  Twice. 

Now part of me wants to believe that one day I'll get this sleep thing finally figured out, that the adversarial relationship I have with the "little slices of death" will give way to a kind of truce.  That's a nice thought, to be sure.  Until then, the battle begins anew in about 90 minutes.  Wish me luck.

The place is now just a little bit worse...

Patty, a colleague at work, died this past week.  The details of her passing aren't all that important, other than the fact that she knew it was coming.  Like all things Patty, I have no doubt she was her own wonderful self up until the end.

To explain even why I'm writing this posting I first need to go back to February of 2017.  I was starting a new job with a new company.  This was the first "new" company I had worked for in over 28 years.  Having spent those 28 years thoroughly dipped in the culture of one organization, I didn't know what to expect on my first "new job" day.  Fortunately for me, I knew one or two people there, and there also happened to be some folks who were simply kind to me from day one.

The latter was Patty.

I am not exaggerating when I say that Patty was just about the kindest human being I have ever met.  While we didn't work together, we worked in the same office area, which afforded me the possibility of getting, for the benefit of my own sanity and soul, a daily dose of Patty.  That almost always came just as I was nearing the end of some rope, with my usual way of dealing with professional stressors mainly consisting of going for a walk.  There was a routine to my walk:  Before heading out, I always checked with Patty first*.   On the surface, my checking in with her was to see what the weather was like outside.  About 2 millimeters below the surface?  I just needed a dose of Patty's kindness and optimism.  Even when the weather was bad and I had to partake of an indoor walk, I still always tried to check with Patty first.  Instead of "what's it like outside Patty?" my banter was more along the lines of "did you go for a walk today Patty?".  It never mattered specifically what Patty told me on those days; it was all just about getting that daily dose of kindness and optimism.

It was a jolt to all of us at work when Patty became ill.  After she left for medical care I found myself still looking towards her office, almost reflexively.  Intellectually I knew she wasn't there, but part of me still needed that daily dose of kindness and optimism.  I still need it, maybe even more than before.

Now?  Things are challenging at work.  That's not a criticism, but rather a statement of fact that almost all of my co-workers would admit to if given the opportunity.  Those challenges are independent of Patty, but yet since she left, well, the place is now just a little bit worse.

If there is a moral to all of this, well, I think it's this: All of us spend an awful lot of time dealing with the "anti-Patty" types of this world.  This includes the complainers, the mean-spirited, the negative, and the unkind.  Maybe, just maybe, we need to spend more time dealing with the Pattys instead.  Better yet?  Maybe we all need to be more Patty-like ourselves.

Rest in Peace Patty.  





(*) In addition to being one of the kindest human beings on the planet, she was also very healthy, always encouraging her co-workers to eat well and exercise. 

5 Essential Life Truths (that sound depressing but aren't)

The Psychology Today feed on Facebook is terrific.  Recently they posted this article that I enjoyed so much that I just had to share it with my wife.

5 Essential Life Truths (that sound depressing but aren't)

It's worth the time to read the article.  By way of summary, the 5 Essential Life Truths are:

1.  Stress Happens
2.  There's No Such Thing As A Happy Ending
3.  The Cover-Up Is Worse Than The Crime
4.  There's No Magic Bullet
5.  There's No Elevator...You Have To Take The Stairs

In some ways, the article reminds me of one of my favorite books, Dr. Gordon Livingston's Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart.

I think a lot of what the article (and the book by Dr. Livingston) says can be rolled up into one simple thought:  So many spend so much time looking for shortcuts in life that simply don't exist.

Yes, and to be blunt, there are no shortcuts.

What may seem like a shortcut today...one that may even work at the moment...will almost always cost more in the long term.  Life is a bank where it always ends up costing you more if you delay putting the effort into making payments now.  Today's shortcut is tomorrow's balloon interest payment.

Part of why this is an issue is the fact that we live in a society obsessed with immediate self-gratification.  We get upset if we have to wait more than five minutes for fast food.  We see the seemingly carefree lifestyles of those in the media and delude ourselves into believing that they somehow "have it made".  Never mind how much substance and other forms of abuse are rampant among public figures.  We think we're entitled to instant happiness all the time, and we become depressed at the thought that we're being denied.  I firmly believe that it's all a mirage, designed to distract us from the simple, essential truths of life.

In life, I'm more convinced than ever that it's doing the simple, basic things well that matter the most.  Things like:

Show up on time.

Be polite.

Be first to compliment and last to criticize.

Work hard.

Put the effort into being prepared, no matter what the task.

Always do a little more than you are asked.

Be kind...to everyone...even those who aren't necessarily kind to you.

Be truly present in the moment.

(I fail at many of these by the way, but I do have a secret weapon:  Persistence.)

None of the above costs money.  None of the above makes for a very good television show plot.  None of this will generate many social media "likes".  But in the end, when we all, no matter our wealth or social status, have to look back at the realities of how we've spent...or squandered...our lives, all of this will matter.

On Labor Day

Before I get to the point at hand, I was thinking over the weekend about how and why my blogging output is down (a.k.a. I don't write as much), both in public and in private.  Part of me feels quasi-guilty, in that I set this darn thing up so I should honor it with at least some content.  Another part of me thinks that it is actually quite wonderful that I don't blog as much, because that means I have other things to do in my life (like actually living it).  Regardless, even if I don't post for a few days, I do take some solace in the fact that I can write at any time, for any reason, on any topic here in this place. Life truly is grand.

On to the topic at hand.


Do we even care about labor any more in this country?  The people that earn the most in this country fall, in my estimation, into three categories:

Those who "play" for a living.
This includes athletes, actors and other performers.  Basically they get to do fun stuff for a living and get paid millions for their trouble.  Not a bad big, but not exactly "labor" either.  Yeah, I know, jocks have to condition (well some of them do...I've seen pro golfers who look worse than me...), and I know that acting involves long days, but let's be real:  none of it is actually difficult labor.  Oh, and the payoff is pretty damn good.

(Cut-away:  This weekend Penn State won big and Notre Dame lost at home to an un-ranked team.  'twas a good weekend for sports in my book!  Let's go Irish!)

Corporate CEOs & Assorted Big-Time Business Types
This includes all those high-level corporate muckety-mucks who make something like a thousand times what the average workers at their firms do.  Worse examples are at companies like Walmart, where the average workers tends to qualify for Food Stamps.  As someone in the private-sector business world (unlike many conservatives I know, by the way), I get it that these jobs require long hours, smarts and some serious image work.  What they don't require though is a hell of a lot of labor.  Heck, these are the folks who pay for expensive gym memberships so that they can sweat, mainly because they don't sweat on the job.  Do some executives work hard?  Sure they do, but I personally don't feel that work is consummate with how much most get paid.   Again, not a lot of labor going on here, just big-assed payoffs.

Celebutards, Inheritance Cases and Just Stupidly Lucky Types
This is where I file the likes of every Kardashian (I don't care if I spelled that wrong), the Hilton children and many others.  These people do not work for a living, and I don't care how many "businesses" Paris Hilton says she has going at any given time.  Zero labor going on here.


How very sad we have become!  Well sad in a sense I suppose in that we, as a society, seem to reward so much some that actually produce so little.

On the other hand, there are many who still toil for a living and manage to live a decent life.  These are the folks that I suspect John Mellencamp was thinking about when he wrote the line...

...an honest man's pillow is his peace of mind
(from "Minutes to Memories")

This pretty much described my Mom during her working years, by the way.  My mother worked her butt off raising her children, and what we learned from that, in part, is that there is honor and decency to be found in hard work.  It was what one was supposed to do.  Working hard just isn't something that you do in order to pay your bills; rather, working hard is something that you do precisely because it helps define you as a human being.  In point of fact I like the fact that I have to work for a living.  Now would it be nice to earn some more money?  Sure it would, but you know what?  In the final analysis. it's not how much you have in the way of money that defines you and determines how happy you are...it's how you view the world that makes the biggest difference in your own personal happiness.  This is one of the biggest...all be it indirect...lessons I learned from my mother.

What I learned about labor growing up, coupled with what I have learned...and continue to learn by the way...as an adult can be summarized in a few statements:

You can view labor as a struggle or you can view it as your vocation.

You can envy the possessions of others or marvel in what you have earned (no matter how small).

You can see the future as filled with struggle or you can see it as full of possibilities.


So here's to all those out there who work...who labor...for a living.  These are people such as a surgeon in a five hour long operation, a pest control guy ridding a dwelling of termites, a teacher trying to explain why Algebra is an important subject (it is...I use Algebra all the time), a Call Center representative explaining where your check is, those folks who work on a road crew when it is 90 degrees outside, that Compliance person helping you obey the rules, and your friendly neighborhood "pension guy/trainer/organization effectiveness person".  Here's to the thousands of vocations, high paid and not-so-high paid, where people struggle because it is the right thing to do and because labor helps define them as persons.

Here's to the glory of labor.

Tea Partying with Ayn Rand

As I understand it, Ayn Rand is something of a favorite among the Tea Party crowd.  Fair enough, and with Atlas Shrugged coming out as a movie, I'm sure many will be singing her free-market praises from the highs and the lows.  However, I wonder how many of that same ilk realize that she was also very much pro choice?

"One method of destroying a concept is be diluting its meaning.  Observe that by ascribing rights to the unborn, i.e., the nonliving, the anti-abortionists obliterate the rights of the living."

As quoted from Ms Rand herself (citation HERE).

Not enough for you?  Well how about I double down on this one?

"Abortion

An embryo has no rights. Rights do not pertain to a potential, only to an actual being. A child cannot acquire any rights until it is born. The living take precedence over the not-yet-living (or the unborn).

Abortion is a moral right—which should be left to the sole discretion of the woman involved; morally, nothing other than her wish in the matter is to be considered. Who can conceivably have the right to dictate to her what disposition she is to make of the functions of her own body?"

(Ayn Rand on abortion...citation HERE).

Now since for many abortion is the only issue by which people are judged, does this mean that, for example, Pennsylvanians for Human Life will be telling one and all to boycott Ms Rand's work?  After all the stand of a politician on abortion seems to be the only litmus test that some apply to the voting decision...as if somehow every other stand the politician make take is now somehow "soiled"...then why wouldn't Ms Rand's work similarly be "soiled"?  Would not her stand on abortion make her "evil"?

These questions...and more...will not be answered by a Tea Bagger near you.

Learnings & Observations

A mildly introspective rant on some things I've learned about myself, life & other stuff in general over the past few months, for no particular reason other than the fact that I've paid for this URL.

John Mellencamp is right

"an honest man's pillow is his peace of mind"

(from Minutes to Memories)

I think too much

I really do, but fortunately there is an antidote:  just start doing.

I always assume the best intentions in people

This is both a blessing and a curse.

I am steeped in Catholic guilt

Next to Jewish guilt, Catholic guilt is one of the most powerful forces in the galaxy.  Right up there with gravity, black holes and cosmic strings.

I am inherently positive

That is when I am left to my own devices.

I am not a writer

I do love to write though.  There is a difference.

I own 5 books of poetry

I own zero books on sports.  Oh, and I love ABBA.  And I am straight.  Go figure.

I've re-discovered National Public Radio

This is what happens when you let your Sirius subscription run out.  This has been a good move.

My daughters amaze me

I can't believe that I actually fathered such wonderful children.

We need a modern day version of Hunter S. Thompson

Where are the modern-day writers who can make politics actually interesting?  Chris Mathews annoys me.  Glenn Beck is a cry-baby drama queen.  

Sometimes the answer is only about 50 feet away

You just need to be open to it.

My capacity to learn

I have an almost infinite capability to learn.  This is a good thing for a 46 year old.

I have "sorta" rediscovered the concept of Faith

I'm not claiming any tent-revivals here, but I have seen & experienced some things that have given me pause.

Fear

Always be skeptical of fear.  Always.  Respect it, but be skeptical.

And on the 8th Day
God created frozen pizza (for middle-aged men who live alone).

Are these the good old days (& we just don't know it)?

Maybe Carly Simon was on to something.

Languages & Music

Are two things I wish I had an aptitude for but don't.

zSXxx65ttnm 

My cat sat on my keyboard and typed the above...I swear, it's true.  This is his contribution to NCFE.  Thanks JeanLuc!

Local bloggers

There don't seem to be many local (Scranton/Lackawanna County) bloggers.  That's a shame.

Exercise

Is something that makes you healthy both mentally and physically.  It's like dietary fibre:  all good.

Old NCFE Postings

I tried to re-read some of my postings from the October/November, but it was pretty difficult stuff to get through.  That noted, none of it is getting deleted.

Facebook

The Facebook folks apparently have an algorithm that determines the order that your friends appear.  Just goes to show you that there is no such thing as "random" in the universe.

I like what I do for a living
I get paid to do stuff that's sometimes down-right enjoyable.  And I work with some mighty talented folks. Score!

Partners

I am lucky in that I have some outstanding healthcare professionals that have helped me maintain a healthy life.

I wonder
How my sister would feel about a visit this summer?  Perhaps a D&T day?

Introspection

Is some damn healthy stuff.  Just like dietary fibre & garlic.

The Blues
I think I am now qualified to sing the Blues.  I just lack the actual talent to literally sing the Blues. Oh, and there is the whole "being a white guy" part.

I usually sleep well these days

Without much in the way of augmentation either.

Lennon and McCartney

There is a wonderful comment made by Paul McCartney that I heard once in an interview that I was thinking about today.

During the late 60's, Paul and John were engaged in some epic musical battle while creating the modern-day classical music that we all know and love.  In the heat of the battle Lennon looks at McCartney, pushes his famous granny glasses down his nose just a bit, and says "it's me Paul" (or something like that). 

What's so remarkable?  Simply put, that's love.  It was Lennon's way of saying "Hey, it's me.  Cut the bull$hit and be real with me.  I know you and you know me."  It's kind of remarkable.  How many of us have a relationship were we could say all that with just a little gesture?  How many of us can say we have someone in our life...friend, brother, sister, spouse or lover...who could do the same thing for us?

That's what I'm shooting for in life.

Labor Day: What We've Forgotten

I was thinking about Labor Day as I woke up this morning, contemplating just what it means and how I could express that meaning in a way that makes some sense.  The meaning is kind of tough to construct in modern times...at times...because I think we have become victims of our own success is some respects.  Our society is now full of devices and gizmos and things that redefine the very meaning of leisure.  Hell, when I was a kid it was a very, very big deal to go to the arcade at Rocky Glenn and blow a few dollars on the games.  Fast forward to now and I've got a Wii, a Play Station 2 and an Xbox 360 at my disposal at home, all connected to HD televisions.  I have more choices and far more thrilling experiences awaiting me in my office at home than what ever existed in any arcade anywhere in the world (circa 1978).

All of this has been created for us by our fathers, "the greatest generation", the ones who built the true American consumer society that emerged in the 1950's and continues to today.  Of course that also creates something of a great hypocrisy of sorts, as that hard work seems to have created a society where hard work isn't as valued as it should be. 

Yes, our society of today was built by people who worked their asses off day in and day out.  This was, in part, because work was considered to be a noble endeavor, no matter what the work actually consisted of in the first place.  Dr King said it best:

“Whatever your life's work is, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.”

But somehow I think we've lost part of that feeling.   Parts of our society, particularly in some minority communities, believe that it isn't hard work that counts, but rather luck or, worse yet, athletic ability.  Unfortunately these folks are really, really missing the point.  Even those very small number of people who do find success in sports or entertainment realize that it's as much about hard work as it is anything else.  Thomas Jefferson once said:

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it."

He is of course right.  Sure, one out of 100  million may actually get some dumb luck and become a millionaire through no effort of their own, but in the real world that isn't going to happen.  The rest of us have to live in a real world where we don't always get what we want, but if we work hard, we always get what we really need (with a nod to Mick & Keith on that one).

Maybe, must maybe, it's really about defining what "success" really means.  

Money

Does success mean that you have more money than you know what to do with?  Nah, I don't think so.  I can rattle of the names of countless musicians who had enough money to burn but yet were miserable.  See "Life's Been Good" by Joe Walsh as a point of reference.  

Fame

Think fame makes you happy?  I referenced Lindsay Lohan in a number of postings over the past year when I talked about how detached the whole celebrity culture becomes from reality.  By my thinking Ms Lohan is a miserable human being these days who is probably figuring out how to re-start her life such that maybe she can actually apply some of her talents without morphing back into a skeezy punchline.

For me, things like money and fame seem like opiates.  Yes, I suspect that they can make you feel good, but that feeling is only temporary.  Maybe the real trick to is find things that have a value over and above the immediate in your life.  These would be things like working hard to support your family, being honest in your dealings, helping others, trying to make some small corner of the world a little bit better.  In all of that there is a common theme:  work.  

There is a certain nobility in hard work that our society needs to do a better job of remembering.  It's that nobility in effort that created what we have today, and I think only that nobility that can help our society endure over the long term.

SIgn-O-the-Times

Some things in life are more fascinating than you can ever imagine. Take getting older for example: yes, I know that it stinks on many levels (my hearing is getting worse, my eyes aren't any better, I have to work at not getting too bloated, etc.), but then you get to encounter parts of your life from a completely different perspective. For example, my middle daughter recently graduated from high school. Now in my head high school graduation is something that I participated in, seeming just a few years ago. To actually see it (again...as my oldest graduated four years ago) is an almost out-of-body experience.

Perspective, yes that's the right word for it all. Getting older isn't so much about physical changes as it is about mental changes. You get to see the world not only from the vantage point of a child, but now you get to see it from the vantage point of an adult. You see the details that you missed the first time around when it comes to something like a graduation. You begin to appreciate all over again just how big a deal, how monumental a change, something like this represents.

I don't necessarily envy my middle daughter as she starts this next phase of her life. Again, I lived that once, and although there probably are things I would do differently, in totality those things worked out okay. Besides, now it's her turn. Whatever path she chooses will be her path, not mine. I get to have that perspective though, which is pretty cool. The trick is to try and turn this perspective into something useful, like "good advice", which I'm not necessarily sure I am up to, by the way. The good news here though is that when I graduated from high school (all those years ago), I wasn't sure I was up to that challenge either, but yet I managed. I'm hoping that life repeats.

Lessons from The Godfather

I confess to being a big fan of The Godfather movies. I think I've seen Godfather I about a dozen times; Godfather II about a half dozen times and Godfather III about three times. What's amazing to me is how, over time, your perspective on the movies changes.

When I first saw The Godfather, I was much younger and being a young man, I was attracted to the whole "mafia" thing. Yes, the story seemed kind of long, and the wedding scene was boring, but seeing Connie's husband get beat-up by Sonny, seeing the horse head scene, etc., ...the all made up for it. As I grew older I began to see how parts of the movie that I simply glossed over before, such as the Johnny Fontaine scene during the wedding, were actually pretty entertaining ("Be a man!"). That phase, where I learned to appreciate the movies in their totality for entertainment value, lasted a while.

Over the past year, I think I've grown into a new appreciation of I, II, and III. I now see the moves through a much more complex lens, and a few things stand out:

Innocence Lost
In Godfather I, we see how Michael goes from this more or less detached (somewhat innocent...at least in terms of the operation of "the family") college graduate and war hero to the de-facto head of the family. It's the circumstances around him...the assassination attempt on his father (by drug dealer Sollozzo), the murder of Sonny, his marriage in Sicily (and then the bombing death of his wife) that force the change in him. You can actually see the turn in Michael being made when he volunteers to kills both Sollozzo and crooked cop McCluskey. There is a telling scene in the movie where the Godfather tells Michael that he "never wanted this" for him, that instead he could have been "Senator Corleone". What innocence that Michael had was taken away from him, and he is left becoming something that was never supposed to be in his destiny.

In Godfather II, we see how the Godfather himself was just a child named Vito Andolini, innocent and (according to his mother) not so bright. The movie just barely touches on how this child goes from being just another kid (with a dead father, something that happened a lot in Sicily we learn) to his position leading a crime family. The sharp turns in his life, such as the death of his father, his hiding and immigration to America, his oppression at the hands of the local street Don and how he reacts to that oppression all shape his future. It's amazing really, these sharp turn I mean; it's as if you are looking at road map where you can see what's down the way from that fork in the road. Vito kills the local Don and then becomes the de-facto leader of his neighborhood. In II you also see the complete transformation of Michael from college kid/war hero into hardened Don. The capstone of the transformation, at least in my own mind, is the death of his brother Fredo. In a culture where family rules supreme, it takes a hardened man to order the death of his mentally-slow brother.

Godfather III is much tougher to watch. At first I thought it was just simply not as good of a screenplay, as you can't fault the acting (well I can fault George Hamilton's acting, but that's another point); I've come to the realization that part of what makes III tough to watch is the nature of the story: it's how the consequences of all those turns in his life result in Michael losing what seems to be the most important things in his life, including his daughter Mary. It's Mary that seems to embody Michael's ambitions for more of a legitimate existence, but yet Mary falls victim to the violence that always follows as a consequence of how Michael has chosen to live his life. In the end you are left with Michael as an old man, sitting in a chair in Sicily, where he dies all alone.

Great art, in my opinion, constantly challenges you...

...in music, it's to hear the subtitles of the instrumentation (such really hearing that bass line for the first time or picking out the individual voices in a harmony)
...in paintings, it's seeing some unforeseen detail or taking that step back and noticing something about the totality of the work that you missed before
...in a story, it's seeing the layers built into the author's work and how those layers change the the very meaning of the experience

The Godfather movies are truly great art.

"...nothing really matters to me..."

The above line is from the song "Bohemian Rhapsody", which blogger Gort42 was kind enough to post for our collective amusement, and which provided me with at least a working title for this entry. Hey, you take the inspiration from wherever you can get it.

For the record, the only way to listen to Bohemian Rhapsody is with a really good sound system that has speakers relatively close to each other. Take my word for it.

Today in 1964 my mother was kind enough to give birth to me. Nice of her to do that. Why just think if she didn't? Why who would feed all of these damn cats that are running around here? Anyway, I'm not an overly sentimental kind of guy, so today is much like any other day, although once every seven years my birthday is a tad bit easier on me. Why? Well, when this day falls on a Sunday, I get to combine a "birthday" visit to my mother with my normal Sunday ritual of taking her shopping. I know, I know, that sounds horribly selfish, and I'll accept that as valid criticism. My mother doesn't drive (7 brain tumors will do that to you), so it's incumbent on my to see her for things like that, and to her credit, as least she is around and is interested in actually seeing me on my birthday, which is always a leg up vs. those who have a mother that has already passed on.

So there you have it.

Rituals of Spring

We all have our own little rituals by which our lives are guided. Some are simple (putting both socks on then both shoes) and some are complex (obsessive compulsive folks who have intricate procedures for the smallest details in life). For me, one the rituals I enjoy is planting flowers in the spring.

Growing up I lived in a housing project, so little things like planting flowers weren't something you were really able to do. At the same time, on occasion I would go to visit relatives of my mother in South Central Pennsylvania who lived (in what seemed at the time) in "mansions". One of the things that struck me about those houses, to this very day, was the smell. As you walked up to the front door, all you smelled were Marigolds. Somewhere in the back of my head that made a connection between "success" and the smell of Marigolds. Amazing how things connect like that.

Anyway, every Spring, right on or before (but never after) my birthday, I plant flowers. In front of my house I have a section set apart with large paver stones. In that section I have Ivy for ground cover (which, unless pruned twice a year by me, would engulf my house), a rose bush, and three large planters. To the right of that I also have another planter, and I have two small planters over my porch railing. Two of the planters (including the one pictured above) are reserved for Marigolds. They have to be the one's furthest from the front door, as not everyone in my house appreciates the lovely smell of Marigolds. The other four planters get other kinds of flowers (Petunias , etc.).

Yesterday was a day off from work for me, so yes, in keeping with my ritual of Spring, Marigolds were in fact planted. I also planted two pots of Petunias. I have to find something for the railing planters...something that hangs a bit but which can grow in a small planters.

On Growing Older

It's one of those impossible things in life to describe, but yet here I go trying. What am I talking about? Well it's growing old. You see I have a birthday coming up, and on said birthday I will be 45 years old. Statistically speaking, that means that I'm more than half-way to being dead. Now there's a positive thought to start the day with if ever there was one.

Anyway, so what does it feel like to grow older? Like most things in life, the answer is complicated. However I can gleam a few thoughts that I'm willing to share in this PG rated environment.

1. You get smarter and want to do more, but your body gets weaker and can do less. Amazing, huh?
2. Your body's tolerance for abuse decreases, sometimes dramatically. As a kid I could eat like a madman and never gain a pound. Now I have to watch what I eat and I still get gastrointestinal distress.
3. You do figure some things out. One of the bigger things I've kinda/sorta figured out is that there are some troubles you encounter in life that you just have to let roll off you. I have a far better sense as to which battles should be fought, and which should be walked away from.
4. You learn not to care as much about certain things (related to #3). I remember back in high school being so concerned about what I said, how I sounded, etc. Man, did I ever blow it back then. I've learned to be just me, for me. Those who accept you are "true friends"; those that don't, well that's okay too.
5. You learn to stop and see and smell the details. There is nothing more amazing than lilacs blooming in May. There is nothing more interesting that some old architectural detail sitting on top of a building that most people never see.
6. You learn that caring is a currency...and that you always need to spend it wisely.
   
7. You learn that there really are things that are more important than you...having children helps in this regard.
8. You learn that it's one step at a time, for everything.
   
9. You can see who the real friends are in your life, and who was there in the past just for the ride. I don't have many friends, but what I do have I know would be there in a second for me.
10. You learn that not everything that's broken can or should be fixed (related to #3). This is especially true with people. I have people close to me who suffer from mental and physical health problems, and in as much as I'd like to grab then by the should and scream "Stop doing that to yourself! Don't you see that you are killing yourself!" I've learned that that kind of change never comes from outside in...it's always from the inside out. And sometimes that kind of change never comes about.
11. You learn the value and beauty associated with helping, purely for the sake of being helpful.
12. You learn that your body parts, like car parts, will rust if you don't keep using them and maintaining them.
13. You learn the value of persistence. I could never do my job at work if I had to do it all at once; fortunately it comes in manageable chunks.
14. You learn the inherent value of failing, losing, getting "screwed". Yes, I did say "value". It's easy to look at a victory and just see the good, but failure tells us much more. I've learned far more, and been made a far better person, from my failings in life.
15. You begin to learn that growing older doesn't necessarily mean you have to grow up.
16. You learn the value of solitude (especially if you live in a household with three teenage daughters and four cats).
17. You take the time for introspection and realize that it is a true gift.
18. You see that there is still so very much to do.
19. You ponder bigger things as you spiral to that inevitable conclusion to life...namely death.
    
20. You learn that you have a lot more to learn.
    

Life, Liberty & The Pursuit Of Less Pigmentation

Michael Jackson Set For Comeback
Yes, you know the end is near when there is at least a strong possibility that the "gloved one" (also known as the "Man who was formerly black") is poised for a series of shows at London's O2 arena. Roger Friedman's gossip page on FoxNews ...the Fox411...is the best place on Earth to keep track of what el-Weirdo is doing. If I were a betting man I'd say that this never actually happens.

Now why does this bother me?

I was born in 1964, so my youngest years were really at the peak of the Civil Rights movement. In fact, one of my earliest memories was being walked to Pre-School the by older brother of one of my classmates, who happened to be Black. In those years, what you heard was the message that people should be proud of who they are; in fact, that seems to me to be a point of the whole Civil Rights Movement, namely that if you are black, you should proud of it.

In that backdrop you have Michael Jackson, who, even if you don't like his music (which I don't), you have to admit has some talent. You also have to admit that he was an a-typical African-American...at least as a kid. I am not a very good judge of looks when it comes to guys, but it seems to me that he was an average looking kid...not hideous by any stretch of the imagination. Why then the transformation from black child to adult alien? I mean Jackson doesn't even look human these days.

What kind of demons drive someone to make the kind of radical changes Jackson has made to himself over the years? Oh, and I don't buy the whole "skin disease" pile of crap Jackson tried to pedal years ago by the way. Whatever these demons are, I'm afraid that they have taken up permanent residence in Jackson's head. No, this is one dude who is never going to get better.

There is a real shame in all of this I suppose, and it's the shame of wasted ability. Again, I don't like the music this guy has made, but I'm not the be-all-end-all when it comes to musical taste either. Some folks like what he has done over the years, and there is no doubt in my mind that he has brought some measure of happiness to the lives of others. Funny, but here is a guy who can bring happiness to others, but seems incapable of apparently feeling it himself. Life can be horribly ironic like that...horribly ironic.

One day in the future, someone is going to write a really cool song about Michael Jackson...along the same theme as Elton John's "Candle In The Wind" (listen to the original version on Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, not the crap Elton recycled when Diana Spencer died). Speaking of ironic...

You Know You're Getting Old When...

...you have to do subtraction in your head to determine your age. Remember back when you younger and you just always knew your age? "I'm 13!". Now it's along the lines of "Well, oh, 2009 from 1965...I'm 45".

...instead of haircuts, you start to think about how you can style your hair so that the receding parts aren't as noticeable?

...you genuinely don't give a rat's a$$, for the most part, about what others think?

...you don't even bother to listen to most Top 40 radio stations?

...the high school you attended doesn't exist any more?


Yes, growing old is certainly grand, grand indeed.

Replacing the Fuse/Resetting the Circuit Breaker

My brother called me this morning at 5:30am, looking for a glass fuse. It seems that the kitchen fuse in the house be bought two months ago had blown, and everything in his freezer was at risk. Now for the record...

...I had to get up soon anyway so I didn't mind the call
...I didn't have a fuse
...I've warned him before he bought the place that the entire electrical service needed to be replaced*

(*) Note...it's a great house & he got a terrific deal on it, but I would have had the electrical work done before I moved in.

Never the less, he is in something of a pickle. I'll have to check back with him later today to see how me made out.

The above does make me think about what fuses/circuit breakers actually do & the purpose they serve. For the non-electrically inclined, that purpose is prevent the system from becoming over-loaded, which could result in a fire and other sorts of horrible outcomes. So while having a fuse blow is horribly inconvenient in the short-term, it is beneficial in the grander scheme of things.

So too it is in life I suppose.

I think we all face the equivalent of the "blown fuse" or circuit breaker that needs to be reset in our lives. I know I do. Things just get to be too much to handle, be it too much emotional stress, physical stress, etc. In my own life I think I walk something of a fairly narrow path between what I'll call "normal operation" verses the "blown fuse". In fact, sometimes it takes all I've got to keep things rolling alone. And for the record, I think the path I walk isn't nearly as difficult as those walked by others. In days past, my mother would refer to this kind of thing as being the "cross you bear", which is a good analogy, given Easter. Acknowledging that others have it more difficult than me is, however, of little consequence when I'm faced with my own "blown fuse".

As is the case in many things in life, it's not that a "blown fuse" can happen that's important; rather, it's what you do and how you respond to that blown fuse that really matters. My brother is calling an electrician this morning to get his blown fuse replaced...I didn't have any spare fuses (which is why he called me)...which will solve his problem in the short-term. I hope that he decides to get the entire service line...from the pole down to the his inside service box...replaced, as that's the best long-term solution. So too it is in life, at least for me. The balancing act is between those short-term fixes that need to be done to keep things running (simply replacing the blown fuse) and the long-term fixes that need to be done to prevent problems in the future (replacing the service line). In both cases...electrical systems and people (me especially)...it's a case of expending capital that drives these kinds of things; for the electrical system, the capital is actual money. In the case of people (again, especially me), it's probably a case of more emotional rather than financial capital that needs to be spent. In either case, it's always best to be prudent in how you spend the stuff. You never know when you may need some capital...be it financial or emotional...for a rainy day.

Here's to always having a spare fuse on-hand, just in case.

I Go To Extremes

"Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes"

- Billy Joel/I Go To Extremes


First and foremost, this is a great song. I had the pleasure of seeing Billy Joel perform it live in Syracuse (New York) during the Stormfront Tour. The live version sounded spot-on, and Billy Joel & band were about as tight of a touring band as I think you could get.

Anyway, as I'm sitting here with the notion that I want to write something...but not quite sure what that "something" may be...it occurred to me that Friday was a relatively good day. Why so? Well I worked out, went for a long walk and ate a reasonable amount of food. Saturday was the opposite: I didn't work out, and I ate crap all day long. Today being Easter, the eating situation will no doubt not be improving much. Regardless of the day, date, holiday, etc., the one constant is that all of this is truly in my head.

In my head?

Yes, there is no outside force that forces me to have that donut.

There is no outside force that tells me "you really don't need to exercise today".

There is no outside force that tells me "you will feel better if you just sit on your ass all evening".

I am the master of all that I survey, on the inside that is. For me, consistency is something the rarest element in the universe, in that I just wish I could find some level of consistency in my life on the "right" side of eating right, exercising, activity, mental attitude, etc. At times it feels as if there is this gravitational force associated with bad eating and sloth that I fight against. It's akin to an episode of (the original) Star Trek, where the USS Enterprise is being held in orbit around some alien planet, and all that it's engines can do is to at best prevent it from crashing into the planet below. Yes, I'm feeling that way from time to time. I just want to be able to "break orbit" if you will.

Now I suppose the religious among us would say that this is the prefect time for an Easter analogy. In fact I could make one up now: Christ died for our sins, and that gives us the chance to live more holy lives, etc. I am not suggesting that this kind of analogy has no merit, but I will say that it doesn't really hold any personal commitment for me now in this time and place. Spiritually I'm somewhat a drift at the moment. Hell, maybe that's half the problem. Let's put it this way: I'm not holding much stock in an old white guy with a beard living in a cloud helping me out any time soon.

Back to the main thought at hand.

So what am I to do? Well there are things...small things...that I could do to help me make that incremental progress that I think is best. For example, I can keep the commitment to working out 4 days a week and try to drill it into my head that I really do feel better after spending time in the gym and that the overall benefits far outweigh the costs. I could also see about something like a list for around the house...something that would have small and big things I can tackle at any given time, which I think helps because I'm at my best when I'm active (and at my worst when I am not). There are also far bigger issues in my life that I have to deal with, but some of them really can't be tackled now...some must be handled in their own time. In fact, one of the things I've learned the hard way is that (and to paraphrase the Book of Ecclesiastes) there really is a time and season for everything under heaven.

On the positive side, if there is anything I am and should be appreciative of it's the fact that I do have the ability to self-analyze and self-correct. That may not sound like much, but I have people in my life who don't in fact have one or both of those attributes, which is in and of itself quite frightening. Imaging being locked in a cage, with the key to the lock being just out of reach? That's how I imagine suffering from mental illness must be like. On the flip side, while I sometimes view myself as being in that same cage, I've figured out that the door isn't actually locked, so reaching for keys isn't what's required...rather, simply opening the door is.

Happy Easter to one and all who may stumble upon this!