By the Numbers

I received a compliment at work a few weeks ago from a data scientist that the company had hired to help develop/refine some of our analytics, mostly because I understand concepts such as Standard Deviation.  I forget what was specifically said, but it was along the lines of "he really understands analytics", or something similar to senior leadership.  I took it as a compliment.  Mostly though, I am glad it was said privately to me.  I hate being singled out in group settings.  

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about numbers recently.  Here's some examples (courtesy of some god-forsaken Google A.I. thing):

• Coffee Consumption - I am in the 23% of the U.S. population that does not drink coffee.
• Alcohol Consumption - I am in the 38% of the U.S. population that does not consume alcohol.
• Tobacco Products - I am in the 80% of the U.S. population that does not use tobacco.  I suspect the number is far lower for those of us who have never even tried a tobacco product (which is me).

One could also argue that I am in the 20% of the U.S. population that is no fun.  This is okay though.  

The real number I have been thinking more about though is how long before I retire?  Before anything else, I should note that I am privileged in that finances are not a major driver of this decision.  Ms. Rivers and I have worked with a financial advisor, and we are in better shape than most when it comes to being ready to self-select out of the full-time workforce.  Much of that is thanks to both of us "technically" being (non-consensual) early retirees of Prudential Financial, one of the few companies around that still provides (or provided, depending on one's perspective) good retirement benefits.  Included as well is the fact that we have a basic plan for healthcare coverage as we get older.  

For the record, I will be 61 years old in April.

What drives a decision to keep working for 3+ more years?  I would certainly get a larger Social Security benefit.  I would also be closer to Medicare eligibility.  Both prior statements assume that some god-forsaken group of politicians doesn't screw it up.  Anyway, those are nice, but not compelling arguments.  What I think is the bigger issue for me is one of mental stimulation.  As has been noted in these postings since 2008, I sometimes have the attention span of a brain-damaged gnat.  Will I have enough to do?  I am sure that early on I would, but what after, for example, most of the house projects are completed?  I could continue to work on a part-time basis; see below.  I will also add that I believe I am at a place professionally whereby I probably will have the opportunity to keep working full time for a few years to come.  Business is good, the company is growing, and they seem to tolerate me (see paragraph #1).

What drives a decision to only work for less than 3 more years?  This one is far simpler to understand:  As currently constructed, my professional life is bad for both my physical and mental health*.  Now I know that I can control parts of those things.  The reality is that I am hard-wired to not say no to things and to people.  Quite frankly though, I have far more work than I have time.  Physically, I have gained more weight over the past 4+ years than I am willing to confess to, almost entirely because I literally don't have the time at work to get up and even take a 15-minute walk. Wolfing down a microwaved lunch most days while reading emails isn't helping either. Mentally, I would say that I have been working at trying to maintain a better balance in my head relative to the importance of work in my life, but that's an on-going struggle, and I lose, often.  Coming home mentally spent is also not a great thing.

Noted above is the fact that I can and probably will work part-time in retirement, regardless of when that actually occurs.  I have some thoughts about that, but nothing definitive.  Mostly, this would have to be something I enjoy, and which won't prevent me from regaining a better balance for my physical and mental health.  

None of these musings are new for me; in fact, I have been thinking about this for a few years now.  The closer I get to age 62. the more important it seems to become.  On the quasi-philosophical side of things, there is the very important and real concept of death...as in I will die at some point.  It's the space between here and there though that matters the most.  How much of that time should be dedicated to a non-corporeal entity that would likely replace me a month after my passing?  I think/hope that the people in my life I care about the most would miss me for far longer than that.

Lastly, I will note that 2025 will be an important year for me in the forward-looking department.  Maybe it all comes down to this:  If I have a good 2025, I will work longer.  We shall see.  Regardless, I'd love to hear the perspectives of others on this topic. 

So, there you have it, a posting about numbers.  Well, it's actually more about a larger question of how much we truly owe to an employer (any employer) than it is anything else.  Things CAN change though.  Scratch that...things WILL change.  This is not a bad thing.

******

(*) I recognize that there are people who are struggling to find a job these days, stressful or otherwise, and my privilege extends to employment.  I am grateful to be employed, and I would hate the thought of having to look for a job at my age.  Age discrimination in employment is a significant issue in the United States today.  If anyone is reading this and would like my help in finding a job, even if it's as simple as reviewing a resume, please just let me know.

The S Word

This is not the word you may be thinking of when you read the title.  Instead, today's word is "sobriety".  

Here's a useful definition:

Sobriety refers to the physiological and psychological state of being unaffected by the presence of an intoxicant. For people who are in recovery from substance or alcohol use, the definition of sobriety is similar to the definition of abstinence. It means living a life free of drug or alcohol use.

(Source:  Lakeviewhealth.com) 

As a practical matter, I have practiced sobriety since about 1999 or so, with the exception of the rare glass of champagne (such as at a wedding) or a sip of wine.  Even prior to that I was not a substantial drinker.  Since 1999, I have gone literally years at a time without drinking any alcohol.  When you consider the social and cultural aspects of alcohol consumption in this country, I'm definitely the odd person out.

I don't, by the way, advertise this fact (well, this posting is an exception), as I am definitely not the person who wants to draw attention to himself...unless I am getting paid to do it.  The drinking thing mostly comes up during family, work, or social gatherings.  The reactions I get range from...

[Nothing]

(an astonished) "What? How is that even possible?"

"What kind of freak are you?  Come on, have a beer!"

"Oh, you poor soul, you must be a recovering alcoholic."

I've definitely felt the second and third comments a few times in social and family gatherings, and I will be honest, it has made me uncomfortable.  Mind you, am not always comfortable to begin with in these situations, so the sobriety thing just compounds the matter.  The final comment seems to more occur when I am dealing with co-workers; in fact, I am reasonably sure that I have not been invited to certain functions mostly because I don't drink (the perception likely being that I am "Mr. Buzz Killington").

So then, why is this important?  Why don't I just go with the flow and have a beer or three?

Since we are dealing with me here, the answers will of course not be all that simple.  But I will try.

First, I genuinely don't like the taste of alcohol.  And yes, alcohol has a taste.  Outside of maybe some red wine, I've never felt that drinks with alcohol actually tasted all that good.  I have a theory:  I don't think most people like the taste of alcoholic beverages, but instead, they learn to like it because they actually like how it makes them feel.

Second, I don't like how alcohol makes me feel.  Now more than one person reading this is going to be thinking to themselves something like "But I like how it makes ME feel" or "It doesn't affect me much at all".  Alcohol definitely impacts humans in both physiological and psychological ways.  One of the more interesting concepts out there is that of alcohol tolerance (read more from the NIH HERE), which I summarize as simply this:  Over time, the more you drink the more you have to drink in order to get the same buzz.  The practice apparently makes the perfect.  Anyway, none of the feelings I've gotten from drinking over my lifetime have been positive.  In excess?  Well, let's just say that I see nothing all that great about vomiting booze into a toilet (or gutter, or hotel wastebasket...I've done all of those, and more).  

Related to the above, I discovered that I would drink at (work-related) events because it was so hard for me to engage in all the related social stuff after hours.  It wasn't long before I realized, in addition to how drinking in excess made me physically feel like warmed-over dog crap, that I was using alcohol as a kind of crutch.  Looking over my lifetime prior to 1999, this has been a repeating pattern.  In the end, let's just say that this is a big enough red flag to cover my Silverado, with room to spare.

Third, alcoholism runs in my family.  I'm not smart enough to know truly whether this kind of thing is inherited (my sense is that the answer is complicated, but you can read for yourself HERE).  For example, one of the few memories I have of being with my father was when I was very young and sitting in a bar on Adams Avenue in Scranton.  Just typing this brings back the smell of cigarettes, beer, and pee.  It's pretty sad that for some reason I've held onto this memory.  I will also note that my brother Chris had significant issues dealing with alcohol, and towards the end the front-row seat I had only reinforced my feelings about consumption.

All told, there's no real compelling reason for me to drink, and I am perfectly fine being in that place.  As alluded to above, the more interesting (and sometimes very frustrating part) is how this plays out with others.  In some respects, I think there are folks who genuinely don't know how to react to someone who does not drink.  Given the value society places on this particular practice, I kind of understand that point.  

Speaking of "points", now is when I'll break down my reactions to what's noted above:

1. The [Nothing] reaction, "How is that even possible" & those that assume I am in recovery camp.
2. The "What kind of freak are you" and "Come on, have a beer" crowd.

I am good with #1, even if the sentiment is somewhat misplaced.

#2?  One of the few things that can make me angry (and I am not an angry guy) is when someone who knows that I don't drink insists on my trying an alcoholic beverage.  As if I am this little kid who can be goaded into doing something I don't want to do.  More than once I've had a kind of Walter Mitty movie play in my head where someone insists that I have a can of beer, so I take the can, dump it out in front of them and then crush the can against their forehead.  NOTE THAT I WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY DO THIS...but I will admit that, at times, the thought of it has been a bit satisfying.      

Well now, this post has gotten a bit exciting, which means that I should probably finish things and call it a night.  To end on a positive note, I'll state for the record that I am glad some people find pleasure in drinking alcohol.  I really and truly am.  If it makes someone happy and it isn't an addiction, then it truly is a good thing.  My hope though is that maybe some of these same folks will afford the same positive affirmation to those who do not drink, regardless of the reason(s).

A Final Word

In case it isn't really clear from what I wrote, above, I have absolutely no problem with the consumption of alcohol by others.  It's just not for me.  If you ("you" being anyone reading this) enjoy a beer, wine, or a mixed drink, then I am glad that is a positive thing in your life.  As it stands, life really is kind of short, so it's important to have things to enjoy.  It's equally important though to realize there is a line between "positive thing" and "harmful thing".  With that noted...

Signs You Might Have A Problem With Alcohol

National Institute of Health, Treatment Resources for Alcohol Problems

1-800-662-4357

(SAMSHA - Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information.)

Substance Abuse Treatment For Veterans

The Really, Truly, Honest-to-Goodness Final Word

Writer Anne Lamott is, to me, an inspiration for many reasons.  I've read several of her books, and I actually have another one on the way.  Every year she posts about her sobriety anniversary.  The posting below (from her public Facebook Account) is worth taking the time to read, and it is as good an ending to this posting as I think is possible.