Not Cease from Exploration

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Larry King Retires

It's being reported all over the place that CNN celebrity Larry King is retiring after 102 years on the job. Wait, I think it's actually 25 years on the job; he just looks 102. That aside, I wanted to take this moment to note that I absolutely think Larry King is just about the least talented person I ever accidentally scanned on television. "Watched" isn't the right verb to describe what I could do with Mr King, as I think his show is basically unwatchable. Also, rumor has it that he also burped constantly and smelled of garlic. Not a nice combination.

Over the years I have actually tried once or twice to actually watch his show, but I just couldn't. Probably the best way to describe why I feel this way is to imagine a interview between Mr King and serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer:

Larry: So Jeffrey, how long have you been consuming human flesh?
Jeffrey: Blah blah blah

Larry: Is human flesh fattening? I mean is it good for you?
Jeffrey: Blah blah blah

Larry: Do Asians taste differently than other races?
Jeffrey: Blah blah blah

Larry: Let's take a caller. Scranton Pennsylvania, you're on the air.
Caller: Larry, I just want to ask Dahmer if he feels any remorse for his victims.
Larry: Good question. Jeffrey, ever feel bad that you ate mainly Asians and African Americans?
Jeffrey: Blah blah blah

Larry: One final question Jeffrey: what's your favorite color?
Jeffrey: Yellow

I know, kind of sick, but it makes the point. This guy would get all of these high-powered guests and basically ask them the equivalent of what their favorite color was. This probably explains, by the way, how he was able to get all those high powered guests in the first place.

Here's to Larry King's retirement. Long over due.

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