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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Road Apples, #100

In the Beginning...I began writing this particular blog on October 27, 2008, and my first "Road Apples" was posted on October 30, 2008.  Since then I've posted something like 975 entries, writing most days.  It would make sense to add in a comment about blog hits, but in all honesty I am not all that concerned as to whether 2 or 20 people look at this stuff.  It's never been about that kind of attention.

So Why?...Well if writing this stuff has never been about "attention", then what gives?  Why do it in the first place?  Believe it or not these are questions that I've pondered more than once.  I almost have answers too!  Near as I can figure in the self-analysis department, I do have something of a creative steak inside of me.  That's a good thing.  On the flip side...

...I can't sing well at all
...I can't play any musical instrument
...I can't sketch all that well
...I can't paint to save my life
...I have no talents working with wood, clay, or any other material

...which doesn't exactly leave an awful lot of ventilation left for creative presssure.  The solution?  Why that would be writing.  That's the real "why" here:  I do this because I have some strong desire towards creative self-expression that almost compels me to share thoughts and ideas.  It's probably not all that dissimilar to the sentiment expressed by the incredibly talented singer/songwriter David Gates, who wrote in the song "The Guitar Man"...

"but he never seems to notice
he just has to find another place to play"

For the record I'm not comparing myself to anyone else, especially a super-talented musician.  Instead, I'm saying that I get the urge to creating something out of my thoughts, and that urge really isn't dependent on having an audience.  Bottom line:  I simply like doing this.  Oh, and I have always done this; I have written journals going back to the early 80's to prove it.  Ah, the days of teenage angst.

Controversy?...I've noted that some bloggers like to stir things up, posting about controversial topics in order to generate discussions.  I've actually had people tell me that I should do more of that kind of thing (be controversial) to "create traffic".  Now on some level I suspect that I have posted a thing or two that wrinkled a feather or two, but by and large I don't go out of my way to find things that cheese people off.  Besides, I'm not a "I am right and you are wrong" kind of guy, at least with regard to most things in life.  What you see here is genuinely how I feel about whatever is coming off my head at the moment, unvarnished by the need for much in the way of ego-gratification.

Therapy...In addition to providing a creative outlet for me...the only creative outlet that seems to work for me by the way...writing NCFE has been very therapeutic over the years.  At no time was this more true than during the September/October/November time frame of last year.  My life, both personally and to a lessor extent professionally, was in something of a shambles, and it all seemed to pour out onto the postings. Much of that stuff was written in an almost code-like manner, but it served a noble purpose:  allowing some of the pressure that was building inside to escape, even if it was just for a few moments.  I've had people who have read some of that stuff say that it was very "raw", and I'll not argue the point.  What I will also not do is take any of that down or post-script edit.  There are no "do-overs" in life, and there will be no "do-overs" here either.

Moving Up & On...So where does all of this lead?  Ah, that would would be the very nature of "not ceasing to explore", and for as long as I continue to like doing this...and I have the $10/year to rent the URL...I will continue to do this.  It suites me.  What's amazing is that it has suited me in both the very bad times (for example, October 30, 2010 was a very bad day) and the good days (of which there have been a few lately), which probably means that it is as much a part of me as it is a habit.  I look forward to a point maybe two years from now when I can read some of this again and see the evolution of my life. just as I have seen an evolution from October 2008 to now.

Thank You...In life you never know how truly blessed you are until you hit those trials that bend your very soul.  While I claim no victories, I do claim the obligation to thank a few people who, over the past few weeks/months/years, have had a significant and positive impact on my life.  Now I will indulge in  just a bit of pseudonym BINGO in order to protect the public identities of those who may not wish to be acknowledged in this manner...i.e. on a cheesy Internet blog...but they know who they are anyway.  More importantly, I know who they are anyway.

Thank you to Ms Rivers, the person who figuratively saved my life.  Oh, and she literally saved my life as well by driving my sorry butt to the Emergency Room at Moses Taylor Hospital a few weeks ago.  I don't really know how you properly thank someone who saves you once, let alone a few times, but I am going to continue to work on it for the foreseeable future.

Thank you to my Mom for proving that no matter how old your children get, they are still your children.  Countless times I've had that motherly knock on my door to check on me after I managed to fold, spindle or otherwise mutilate myself (i.e. broken ribs, acute asthma attack, etc.) over the past few months.  My hope as a parent is to be there for my daughters like my mother has been there for me.

Thank you to Ms Mitchell for helping to roto-strip the crap out of my life.  I have met few professionals in my life as competent at what they do as the aforementioned Ms Mitchell.

Thank you to Ms Carey for telling me to stop being a "chicken $hit" back in October.  Anyone can stroke your ego, but a true friend tells you the truth, even when you least want to hear it.

Thank you to my employer & my co-workers for giving me a sense of purpose, especially when things were spinning so out of control.  There is a tendency to think of companies as being big, a-moral entities, but what some forget is that they are really just collections of people.  For the record, the people I work with are some of the brightest and most compassionate on the planet.

Thank you to whatever Higher Power exists out there in the universe.  I know a few folks don't put much credence into the whole God thing, but when I look back at the various twists and turns life sometimes takes, it begins to become clear, at least to me, that "random chance" simply can't explain it all.  In my case, too many things have happened whereby what I wanted wasn't really what I needed, but somehow I did end up getting what I needed, not what I wanted.

Now I know this hasn't exactly been a true "Road Apples" posting, but for the record I did check with the person who makes the NCFE blog rules (me) and he said it was okay to deviate from the formula just a bit.

Now back to our regularly scheduled blog programming.

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