"There are places I'll remember
All my life so some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all"
- John Lennon, In My Life
Most people don't realize that, while most of the Beatles songs are credited to John Lennon and Paul McCartney, in reality they actually didn't write very many songs together. If you are a big Beatles fan you can almost always tell by the lyric which Beatle actually wrote the song*. "In My Life" screams John Lennon, with it's touch of edgy angst that overlays a far deeper meaning. What's more, while the above lyric seems so very deep, it's worth noting that it was written by someone who, at the time, was barely in his 20's.
By the way, Johnny Cash does the best version of this song ever...better even than the original I think. If you are so inclined you can listen t it HERE.
But that's enough Beatles analysis for the moment. On to the topic at hand.
As someone who is going through a divorce, this is the time that is supposed to so very difficult, namely the holidays. Understand that there is this enormous part of me that wants to throw the middle finger at the world and all those who have told me "how hard this will be for you". It feels as if I am some kind of pledge going through hazing. I loathe the notion that I am so transparent, so predictable, so utterly "human". I hate the notion that I am this kind of lab rat that eventually does find the cheese. But then I know some people have told me "how hard this will be for you" out of loving concern. Part of this particular holiday is the notion of giving thanks, so I'm just going to be thankful for all those who have cared enough to be concerned.
What precipitated these kinds of thoughts? Well being a guy who is so tightly wound that you need a box cutter to get through my layers, it's not something that I consciously thought; rather, I woke this morning from a series of what I would call "melancholy" dreams. Not nightmares, but just dreams that had this sad kind of tinge to them. Maybe, just maybe, there is a part of me that says I don't have to throw the middle digit at the world. I just have to be in the world, and in as much as I want to think of myself as unpredictable and unique, you can't escape the gravity that comes with reality. The reality here is that this is a holiday and my life is now different.
So this is Thanksgiving, and as I wrote the other day, I truly have a lot to be thankful for "in my life". I do have people around me who care, and while some things in your life end, there are always new things that are beginning inside and around you. Maybe, just maybe, I'll spare the angry throwing of middle digits and simply be thankful instead. I've never been good at being angry anyway.
(*) For you non-Beatles experts, there is a cheap-n-easy way to tell which Beatle actually wrote which song: it's usually the one signing the lead vocals. "The Long and Winding Road" is a classic Paul song, just as "Help" is a classic John song. That noted, there are several song where there was some collaboration in the lyrics ("Getting Better" was written by Paul, but John contributed the line "can't get much worse").