Not Cease from Exploration

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I Get Tired Sometimes...

...although I'd like to think that I don't ever get tired, reality does have this knack for biting you on the ass to remind you that it is neither predictable, fair, or even reasonable.

So why all the doom-n-gloom? This already is starting out like the prepared speech of someone at the podium of Scranton City Council meeting.

The honest answer is that I don't think there is any one single thing that gets me discouraged. Despite what some who casually may know me think, I'll all-in-all a very positive guy. I love getting up and doing things. I love accomplishing things. Hell, I was up at 5:30am this morning thinking about what I was going to clean. I honestly just love living and breathing. It's just that sometimes the weight of things becomes so heavy that I grow tired of carrying it.

There are some things that at the moment weigh more heavily on me than others. Speaking of weight, one that I will mention is that I've been working hard at eating better since the beginning of the month. I have gone through these phases where I can be very disciplined about how and what I eat (I once lost nearly 60 pounds), and other times when I'm think I'm a living example of the Mr Creosote Sketch (note that this is not for the faint of heart). So far I've done well, but one of the things about weight loss is that it works like a football game: things can start off with a bang, but the game is won (or lost) slugging it out on the line. The "bang" for me was that I've quickly dropped almost 10 pounds, but now it's back to line and slugging it out a pound at a time. Now I'm not looking to even lose weight, truth be told. Instead, I'm just looking to eat less, eat better, and if the weight comes off, great. One of the things I learned from my last bout of weight loss is that you can't diet and be successful over the long term: diets simply don't work. Yes you can lose weight on a diet, but if you don't change your eating habits to something you can sustain after the diet, you simply gain all the weight back. Anyway, I continue to slug it out in the healthy eating trenches.

Another thing that "gets my goat" of late is that some people just suck. I know, that's crude sounding and at best sophomoric, but it is also true. Whether it's the person on a conference call that makes the off-handed-but-stupid comment (because they think their phone is on mute when it really isn't) or the individuals that you deal with who go from hot one minute to cold the next, it's just tiring as hell trying to deal with people. I just need some kindness and consistency.

Finally there is the issue of responsibility. I think we live in the age of no responsibility. Everyone wants it all, and they want it now. You go the store and you see people plunking down wads of cash to buy smokes and then paying for groceries with an Access Card. You see people who seem physically incapable of the very simple act of picking up after themselves. You see people who believe that luxuries are somehow God-given rights. Honestly, and this will sound harsh, but I just want to be responsible for me. I'm all for two people mutually helping each other...hell, that's what I call an even trade. But this one-way stuff makes me very tired.

Damn, this does sound gloomy. But you know what? I feel better after having written it, and maybe, just maybe, that's good enough. Here's to a more positive Sunday for one and all.

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