September is National Suicide Prevention Month in the United States, and while I don't typically promote causes in this corner of the Internet, I'll make an exception in this case.
It's very, very hard to describe what it's like when someone close to you either attempts or succeeds in taking their own life. In fact, I would say "hard" isn't a good enough word, but I'm at a loss to come up with anything more potent at the moment. It is something that bites you to your very core, something that stays with you for the rest of your life. It's also something that forces you to ponder questions that simply can't be answered, including "...could I have prevented this?".
There's also what happens afterward, in the days, weeks, months, and years that pass. This is the notion that the burden of those feelings we carry as survivors, while ever so terrible, pales in comparison to how our loved one was feeling when they made their decision to end a life. I can not imagine that level of pain. All I am personally left with is this hole in my life that simply can not be filled, and the possible idea that there is some kind of after-life where all of this will be reconciled.
That last phrase ("...some kind of after-life..."), above, is a tough one for me to write and even tougher for me to put any faith into, as "the next world" is a bit above my philosophical paygrade. Faith, it seems, is an easy concept to define, but a very difficult one to practice sometimes. Especially when one is left with many "why did this have to happen in the first place" kinds of questions.
I can't really write much more on this topic without talking about some details that are best left off of the Internet. That's a sign that it's time to stop. Stopping a posting though is a heck of a lot easier than stopping grief (which can not be stopped...only...maybe...reconciled in some fashion; see above). So, what I'll leave in terms of commentary is this: Please take your own mental health, and that of your family and loved ones, seriously.
Additional information on suicide prevention can be found at:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention
https://www.pa211.org/get-help/mental-health/suicide-prevention-hotlines/
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