There was a tragic event in my neck of the Pennsylvania woods this week, details HERE.
It's not worth me telling the story of what happened, mostly because I don't know. Well, I know something horrible happened, I know there was violence, I know that are likely mental health issues at play. I know enough to reference this for the posting. I don't want to know anymore.
It's simply too difficult for me to process this kind of thing, at least now.
Speaking of now, I'd like to think of myself as a mentally tough individual, and perhaps that's true on most days and/or months. It's certainly true some of the time, but even I can get overloaded when it comes to death and despair. Since the passing of my brother, well, it feels as if my emotional bank account has been running at something of a deficit. At most, I can feel deeply for the families of those who died in this story, including the perpetrator of this horrible crime. It's easy to be angry at this young man...the perpetrator...but he was certainly someone who was suffering as well.
There is a kind of irony to this posting actually when you think about it: I feel emotionally vacant at times, in part because of the death of my brother, and this young man was likely exploding with emotion such that he caused deaths.
A friend on Facebook posted an update related to those who suffer from mental health issues, which is certainly a right and noble thing to do in this circumstance. It's that posting, and my reply to it, that drove me to this space. My overwhelming thought? There is just so much collateral damage that comes from dealing with mental illness, and true to form, the closer you are to it, the more damage it inflicts on you. When you are in that circumstance it can become exceptionally difficult to know just what is the rational thing to do. Logic and proportion fall sloppy dead*. It's the ultimate puzzle full of pieces, some of them missing, and no picture on the box for guidance.
As I noted in my reply to that Facebook posting, my heart goes out to those suffering as a result of this horrible event. May they eventually find some peace.
(*) With a nod to the Jefferson Airplane.