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Friday, March 29, 2013

Dealing with door-to-door solicitors

A colleague at work posting the following on the Facebooks:

It gets warmer and all the solicitors thaw out and start walking the streets again. Must remind hubby to not answer the door and ignore them.

Which got me to thinking the following:  what else could be done to deal with door to door solicitors?  Well here are a few suggestions.

Answer the door and...

  1. ...say "I'm sorry, we're in the middle of sacrificing a goat to our Lord Satan.  Would you mind coming back later?".
  2. ...immediately just start reading from the Unabomber manifesto.  Don't stop until they leave.
  3. ...scream "No! Not again!" and slam the door in their face. 
  4. ...start scratching your arm and say "Damn scabies!" and then offer to shake their hand.
  5. broadly and say "Oh Hi! Can I interest you in a copy of the Book of Mormon?".
  6. ...answer every question they ask by saying "What's the frequency, Kenneth?".
  7. ...say in your best Freddy Krueger voice, "Ah, how sweet. Fresh meat!".
  8. ...just start sneezing, repeatedly and don't stop until they leave.
  9. ...speak in a made up language.  You can, for example, use quotes from the movie The Day The Earth Stood Still:  "Klaatu baraada nikto".
  10. ...say "I'm sorry, I'd love another cat, but I already have 48." and simply close the door.

You can thank me later.

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