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Tuesday, March 10, 2015

10 Reasons Why I Dislike the Scranton St Patrick's Day Parade

Scranton hosts one of the largest St Patrick's Day parades in the country, and in all honesty, I hate it.  In fact, I can't even tell you the last time I attended a parade.  Maybe 1980?  Anyway, here are ten reasons why.

1.   Two words:  Green Beer.
2.   Three words:  Green Beer vomit.
3.   It's a "wonderful family event", that is if the "family" happens to have the last name "Sheen".
4.   I confess:  I actually dislike all parades.
5.   The District Attorney for Lackawanna County has to ASK bars to NOT open until 9AM (sit and ponder that one for a bit).
6.   Scranton can't shovel it's city-owned sidewalks but it can paint street lines green?
7.   See #6 and add "...but it can clean up trash-strewn streets after a parade?".
8.   Parade = Irish, Irish = Notre Dame.
9.   Ever see drunken, shirtless men in 40 degree weather gutter brawling at 1pm?  No?  Want to?
10. It reinforces stereotypes of NEPA residents being drunken, uneducated coalbillies.

(Warning:  The video contains rough language and includes images of people barfing, repeatedly.)

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