Search This Blog

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Top 10 Cool Things About Getting A Colonoscopy...

...because, well, I am getting one and since I can pretty much just sit and write anyway for the next 18 hours.

10.  It's the ultimate detox.
Forget all that rubbish you hear about miracle cure detox diets on talk radio and from folks like Dr Oz.  Schedule a colonoscopy and then experience the real thing.

9.  Your muscles get a great workout.
Unfortunately it's the muscles in mostly your lower abdomen, but a workout is still a workout.

8.  It's an excuse to try all of those flavors of Gatorade.
The last time I drank Gatorade was also the last time I had a colonoscopy.  I will die before I drink orange Gatorade again.  This time I am trying the lemonade variety.

7.  It's an introvert's dream.
No one will want to around you as you prepare.

6.  You get to satisfy that curiosity about what plastic tastes like.
Reference the ingredients in MiraLAX.

5.  It's a great way to jump-start that weight loss program.
You can literally say that you "started from scratch".

4.  You can get out of doing just about anything.
"Sorry dear, I'd love to help clean the basement, but at the moment my bowels are twitching more than an epileptic with Tourette's Syndrome."

3. You get to make cool jokes to the medical staff.
There are only so many times when you can say "Doc, this colonoscopy stuff is a pain in the ass!" with it being both funny and factually correct at the same time.  Conversely, the medical staff can have fun too.  I can see the doctor saying  something like "Look! Is that OJ's other glove in there?".

2.  You get to catch up on some reading.
Granted that some of that reading will happen in the bathroom, but still, there's nothing like finally being able to finish that book on the history of the Papacy.

...and drum roll please...

1.  Because it can save your life.
All kidding aside, getting a colonoscopy can save your life by actually preventing colon and rectal cancer.  Don't take my word for it, but instead believe THESE GUYS.

So if you are age 50+ or if you have a history of colon and/or rectal cancer in your family, please talk to your doctor about scheduling a colonoscopy.

No comments: