Not Cease from Exploration

Saturday, August 11, 2012

10 Other Potential New Names for the Scranton/Wilkes-Boro Yankees

Thanks for Michelle Hryvnak Davies for posting THIS article on Facebook.

As reported by CBS Sports (see link, above), the local baseball franchise is close to picking a new name for the team.  Finalists include:  Blast, Fireflies, Black Diamond Bears, RailRiders, Porcupines, and Trolley Frogs.

For the record I have no clue as to what a "Trolley Frog" even is; maybe what happens when you put a frog on a rail right before the train comes?

Anyway, I think these names stink.  They lack area authenticity.  So, as a service to the area, I'd like to present 10 alternatives that capture the true spirit of NEPA.

MethHeads
You will be in ecstasy watching the local team play!  You will be so caught up in team play that you will forget to brush your teeth, bathe, and eat.

WifeBeaters
We beat our opponents like we do our spouses!  Think of the possibilities:  wife beater tee give-away?

CoalBillies
Who needs Hillbillies?  We got the real deal here in NEPA, straight outta da mines!  Hard scrapple play for a hard scrapple area!

Haynas
Hayna or no, da team is up der at da field tonight?  Can you imagine the announcements:  "Local fan Cappy Smith died on Tuesday and will laid out at da corps house on Friday down da line der in Plimmit".

PimpStick
Scranton was once a center of prostitution, so what better name to capture the spirit of NEPA past?  Think of the slogan:  We beat our opponents like they owe us money! PimpStick give-aways every Wednesday evening to kids under 10!

Plimmit Fury
If you call the airport the Wilkes-Boro/Scranton International Airport, why not go all the way and name the baseball team for a small local town known for shootings, drugs, and a really good BBQ restaurant?  Besides, it was the name of a car I once owned (although, to my credit, I pronounced it "Plymouth").

Frackers
No, this has nothing to do with Battlestar Galactica, so all you nerds need not get excited.  We're talking gas exploration!  We will crush our opponents like natural gas holding shale deposits!  Free bottle of gas-industry certified methane free drinking water to every fan on Thursdays!

MineRats
A true example of successful local critter!  Tough, tenacious, able to survive where few other can.  The team mascot's costume could be really, really cute!

BlackLungs
Credit to Cheri Sundra for this one.  I can imagine the uniforms:  white with a black front.  Team motto:  we suffocate our opponents!

BlindObedience
Fitting given this area's history of basically never questioning much of anything.  "Now here's your Scranton/Wilkes-Boro BlindObedience!"...kinda sound eerily true to me.  The Diocese of Scranton can sponsor a sky box.