The actual wedding cake, by the way, is already ordered (from a fine Scranton baker). Ms Rivers and I had to find our own wedding cake topper, and it was, shall we say, "interesting".
Now I normally credit the sources for the pictures I use on this blog, but in this instance you can find all of the pictures on eBay; simply search for "Wedding Cake Toppers".
On to the fun.
There are, of course, many classical wedding cake toppers available. Below is just such an example. Pretty standard fare if you ask me.
Although the above does beg the question asked by Ms Rivers: "What if it's not new?" Good question actually. I mean, is this the by-product of some broken marriage that someone is now trying to sell off? Would that create some kind of bad ju-ju/mojo?
This being eBay though, "classical" is a matter of personal taste. For example, the soon to be "family NRA Membership" couple might be interested in this fine topper.
Now you know things are going to get even weirder from here. Case in point:
Now maybe this would appeal to the Grateful Dead fans out there, but there would be one cautionary tale along those lines: According to a book about the group I read last year, the late Jerry Garcia really didn't like all the skeleton stuff associated with the band...it apparently creeped him out.
Well if you're thinking about a death motif for your cake topper, it's not much of a stretch to also consider something a bit on the violent side. Fortunately, eBay have you covered:
If it weren't for the fact that the bride isn't covered from head to toe, I'd say this would be perfect for maybe a Taliban wedding.
Not to be sexist, but the violence theme works both ways/genders:
It gets worse:
eBay has all of those Southern states covered; you know, the one's where the age of consent is, shall we say, "young"?
Then we have some toppers that are just plain odd. I get it...some are "vintage"...but honestly, some also look as if the bride and the groom both have some kind of rare genetic disorder.
For the record, that's not to be disrespectful of people with rare genetic disorders.
Speaking of odd, in response to the popularity of all things Zombie, we have this:
Hopefully any red meat served at such a reception would be more on the "well done" side.
Then we have the just plain "in bad taste" models:
Seriously, try and explain that one to a 12 year old attending a reception. Now you could take that same theme and be a bit more subtle:
"Mommy, why is she grabbing his rear-end?".
And lastly, what wedding wouldn't be complete with a bride and groom dinosaur topper?
But heck, at least they are the same species, unlike the following mixed marriage.
For the record we did find one that is tasteful and quite fitting. And didn't involve groping, weapons, violence, zombies or different species.