Conundrum

I think the world should be using the word "conundrum" more often.  Why?  Well, it's kind of silly in its construction, it has a funny way of rolling off the tongue, and, well, the world is just full of conundrums lately.  Especially the world as it applies to me.

To be blunt, I am facing a conundrum:  I've always had trouble in the "self-promotion" department, as it applies to my professional life.  I know I do good work, but it just pains me to promote that work.  I'm much more comfortable simply doing the work, allowing the results to show through, and then moving on.  The notion of actually having to figuratively (and literally) say "Look at me...and look at what I've done!" is at best alien and at worst somewhat uncomfortable.  And it's not really the "look at me part" actually, as I am very comfortable speaking in front of people, be it one person or 300 people.  I think it's more the fact that for whatever reason, modesty seem to be encoded into my DNA, along big feet and my walleye vision.

Normally, this kind of conundrum is manageable for me, as I've been able to keep myself in positions whereby I could let the results of my work show for itself and be done with it.  Not so much now though; these days I have to make a concerted effort to "sell" myself and my capabilities, hence the conundrum.  I'm ever so slightly fearful, in the back of my head, that I'll be considered "egotistical", a clear and present violation of my previously mentioned, and deeply rooted, sense of modesty.  This isn't about confidence; for me, the line between confident and egotistical is actually easy to understand:  I am confident in front of an audience of people, but I don't have to be "full of myself" to speak to them.  It's not about attention either, as I do enjoy engaging with people and having them pay attention to me.  No, in point of fact I'm just not sure what this is about.  It's, well, a conundrum.

So what am I doing about my conundrum?  Well I'm writing this blog entry for starters.  This actually does help me, by the way, because I've always found that writing forces one to think about thoughts in an orderly sort of way, you know, in order to put them onto a page (real or virtual).  It's been especially helpful for me, which is one of the reason why this blog has kept going for over eight years now.  My head is almost always full of ever changing divergent thoughts, so writing this blog probably means a lot more to me than anyone else could probably realize.

Outside of writing, I'm also seeking outside opinions to, if you will, poke at my underlying notion of modesty.  It's entirely possible that what I consider to be genuine may in fact be a kind of "fake" modesty, maybe designed as a kind of defense mechanism.  I'm likely never going to see this on my own, so I'm open to all the outside help I can get.

In the end, I think that in life we are always placed in situations that afford us at least two paths:  Learning/Growth or Resignation/Despair.  I'm working on the former.  

Veterans Day, 2016

Dedicated to my father, uncle, and brother, and all who have served their country with honor in the United States Military.  We're free because they gave of themselves.

My Dad, Richard J. Albert, SP2, United States Army (second from the right), returning from service during the Korean Conflict, surrounded by friends.  The picture was taken at the Hotel Casey in Scranton.

Upset About the Election Results? Then Act!

I understand being upset if your candidate didn't win the Presidential election on Tuesday.  I was upset when Ronald Reagan was elected.  And George W. Bush as well.  But life is far too short to waste time on directionless anger and what I'll call "silly" protest actions.  I'm not suggesting that it's wrong to be angry, but what I'm saying is that if all you have is anger, well, I pity you, as you'll miss out on the only life you're going to be given.

Channel that anger into something positive.

Go to your local library and actually learn about Islam.  Actually meet some Muslims.  

Join an organization that supports the LGBT community.  

Learn about ways you can help the disabled.  Become an advocate.

Become a better informed citizen by reading (not watching, but READING) the news, every single day.

Volunteer at a shelter for animals.

Actively oppose any hate groups in your local community.

Learn to speak Spanish and then volunteer to teach immigrants English.

Create and write a blog to express your feelings and political leanings.

Support an organization that helps the homeless.

Fight laws that disenfranchise others, especially minorities.

Find out how you can support veterans...and then get involved.

Attend local city/borough council meetings and speak up about the issues that matter most to you.

Find and support candidates that share your values.

If you can't find a candidate that shares your values, well then run for elected office yourself.

Help the environment by keeping parts of it within your reach clean.

Write your Congressman and Senator and let them know about the issues that are of most importance to you.  Hold them accountable.

Research and buy products that leave the smallest possible environmental footprint.

I could go on, but the point is made.

It's all akin to driving a car:  If you spend all of your time fixated on what's in the rear-view mirror (the election results), you'll likely end up slamming into that truck in front of you.  The better play is to keep your eyes on the road in front of you...the future...and only glace in the mirror every once in a while to make sure that the past isn't creeping on you.

After The Ball - Three Things I Care About

The election is over and we all knew that, regardless of the outcome, about half the country would end up discouraged and upset.  That's one...and probably the only...prediction that actually came true.  Here we are though, and as for me, well there are really three things that are important:

1.  That those who now have health insurance through the Affordable Care Act continue to have some kind of medical coverage going forward.  This one is personal for me, as I have a brother who wouldn't otherwise have healthcare coverage if it wasn't for the ACA (he works, but his employer doesn't provide coverage).  Whatever the Republicans in Congress and President-Elect Trump have in mind, it shouldn't leave these folks out in the cold.  Period. 

2.  That the LGBT community retains all of the human rights...they...and we all...deserve.  When the basic right to purse happiness, through marriage for example, is denied to one of us we are all diminished.  

3.  That the days of the back-alley abortion never return.  I don't "like" abortion and I dislike the notion that the government can reach into women's bodies and make healthcare decisions for them.  That's big intrusive government at it's worst.  Yes, religious objections to abortion should be respected, but they doesn't mean they should also be codified into law, forcing non-adherents to follow a set of beliefs for which they sincerely disagree.  The pro-life movement needs to "win" the argument through persuasion, not coercion.

The above isn't intended to diminish the concerns of the Hispanic community, Muslims and others who certainly feel marginalized after the recent campaign.  It's simply my top three. 

Finally, I'll continue to always believe that the vast majority of people in this world are inherently good, Donald Trump and Mike Pence included.  They deserve the opportunity to govern in a way that brings people together; whether or not they choose to do so is up to them.  Regardless of party affiliation or philosophy, all of us have a responsibility in the weeks and months to come to hold them accountable for their actions.

Election Day 2016

I've mostly stopped writing about politics and politicians, and I'm not making an exception for Tuesday's Presidential election.  That noted, when I think about the election, one thought has emerged most clearly for me...

...regardless of who you vote for, don't allow darkness or hatred to dictate your actions, as that's never a cure for anything that troubles our nation.  History has taught us time and time again that darkness and hatred only breed more of the same, and quite frankly, we are currently experiencing surpluses of both.

Mostly though, please make sure you do vote.

Peace & Love...Steve

(I'm Darn Glad That) October is Over

It's actually kind of funny, in a sad sort of way:  I had this idea to post positive things in order to "take back" the month of October, which hasn't always been so friendly to your's truly.  And what happens?  Well, let's just say that it was a challenging month, and October reigns supreme in my life as the month I usually want to forget.

Know what though?  As challenging as October 2016 and, outside of the minor bouts of quasi-anxiety that we all face, I've kept a positive attitude.  I know, "Awww, well good for you Steve!" (said with sarcasm); actually what I want is is for next October to come, so that I can have a round two with this whole "make October great again" idea.  As a wise fictional Philadelphia boxer once said...

(photo credit:  http://addicted2success.com)

Enough already, it's now November, which is a good month for me.  Outside of the fact that I like turkey...and stuffing...and mashed potatoes...and visiting with family...a vacation is happening in a few days that involves some travel, and this is a great opportunity for me to step back, reflect, and recharge.  Part of the trip will be to fulfill a life-long desire, namely to visit the Kennedy Space Center.

(photo credit:  kennedyspacecenter.com)

As a very young man I would run home as fast as my little legs would carry me in order to catch the news of the Apollo missions on our black and white television.  Actually being at Cape Kennedy really is a dream come true for me, and a reminder of how blessed my life has been.

Now in the spirit of full disclosure, I am taking some "work" with me, but it's all for good, as what I will be doing is more of a future investment than anything else.  I've created some of my best postings while on vacation, so who knows what the week will bring?  I do know this:  Come Monday the 14th it's full steam ahead.

5 Scariest Movies of All Time (According to Me)

In honor of Halloween, here are the five scariest movies I've actually watched:

1.  The Exorcist
I'll confess that this hasn't aged well, but when I first watched it, man, for a young Catholic kid it didn't get much more frightening.  If you watch this, really listen to the audio...in retrospect, that's one of the most frightening parts of the movie.

2.  Alien (the Original)
I first watched this at the Comerford theater in downtown Scranton, and the atmospherics were incredible...very dark, very gritty, definitely not Star Trek.  This is what you get when you combine a great script with a top-notch director (Ridley Scott).

3.  Event Horizon
Laurence Fishburne, Sam Neil and some very frightening scenes.  While I don't find gore to be particularly frightening (as a result there are no zombie movies on the list), in this movie it really adds to the experience.

4.  The Prince of Darkness
Not a well-known film (at least relative to John Carpenter's career), but I found this incredibly frightening, especially the dream sequence towards the end.

5.  The Omen
Another one from when I was younger.  There is something particularly sinister about portraying evil in the form of a young child.

I'm Working at Listening

Here's a review of this blog's postings:

  5% - Great, almost publication worthy
60% - Good, postings that I think are reasonably okay
20% - Okay (at the time), but I find them embarrassing now
15% - Sheer, utter, unadulterated crap

I'd consider THIS POSTING to be in the 5%, and it's not even all that old.

Why?  Well for me, it was almost as if that particular thought was planted, just in time, to help me now.  The "now" part is something that I'm not going to be particularly transparent about, for two reasons:  (1) I actually find it interesting and challenging to write about something without actually saying what the "something" is; and (2) I just can't, for reasons that I'll explain in the future.

Anyway, as I think about spirituality and the notion of trying to understand the larger universe around us, I'm reminded that while some hold fast in the notion of predestination*, I tend to take a different tact.  Specifically, we're all walking this journey in life and along the path we're always presented with choices.  Yes, sometimes we're put into situations where it may seem like we don't have a choice, but that's a false notion (at best).  I think the more correct description is that we always have choices to make, including the choice to, well, not make a choice.  It's these choices in our lives that define us, probably more so than anything else.

As professionals, we make a choice as to how we "show up" (with a nod to a great former leader who taught me the importance of always being mindful of this fact) when we go to work.

As citizens we make a choice as to how we stay informed about the issues of the day.

As parents we make choices about how we respond to our children.

As partners we make a choice as to who we spend our lives with.

As human beings we make a choice as to how we view the world around us...be it a world of fear & darkness or a world of hope & light.

You see, the bigger point is this:  It's not the events in life or where we find ourselves around which things pivot...it's the choice we make about (and in response to) the events that matter the very most.  Now I understand if that sounds, well, trite (at best) and overly simplistic, but I tell you all with complete honesty that it's taken me decades of living to even grasp this concept.  As a younger man I would look at world I was living in and bemoan my plight, not realizing that it wasn't the "plight" that was to blame.  In fact, the places we all see ourselves in are always temporary, at least up until we die.  Until then, we have far more control than we can ever really realize.

The good news in all of this, I think, is that I don't think we have to make those choices alone.  I think that we're always given subtle clues (whispers, if you will) to help guide us.  We just have to be listening...at watching.





(*) With thanks to the almost omnipotent Google for the following:

Three Paths

One of the things that I think I've learn as an "older adult" is that (in general) all we have been through has been to prepare us for now, just as now is to prepare us for tomorrow.  Pretty deep, huh?  Especially for a kid from a housing project, but so I digress.  What I can't digress from is that I've reached a kind of fork in my road of life.  Maybe it's more like a trident than a fork, as I can see three distinct paths in front of me:

Path One...This is the familiar path.  Predictability is a wonderful thing, and we humans have it coded into our DNA, which is why, for example, racism is such a problem (we tend to not be afraid of those who are "like" us and fearful of those who are different and, by extension, unpredictable) with our species.  The problem with path one, I suspect, is that it's rather circular; it may simply bring me back to where I am now, but without the benefit of knowing that place for the very first time*.

Path Two...This is the dark path.  This is the path of the worst possible (whatever that is) happening.  This is the path where the past plays an out-sized role, where failings, both real and perceived, suck up all the oxygen in the room.  This is the path of "what if...?".  Unlike the two other paths, this more like an outcome than a choice, a kind of dark gravity.

Path Three...This the uncertain path.  This is the path of taking a chance.

When I write it out, it's pretty clear how the paths differ, and which path is likely the "best" (if there is such a thing), at least for me, at least for now.  Yet, why does it seem so very, very difficult?  I think the answer is embedded in path one, namely an almost genetic wiring for the familiar, a need to feel safe.  I think it's also a function my upbringing, an extension of economic insecurity coupled with a tendency towards guilt whenever I may want to do something that seem (on the surface) to be for me.

All of this seems so simple, especially when I try to look at myself from the outside.  Yet step inside my head and it becomes far more complex.  If you've ever been through a transition in your life perhaps you know what I mean.

"Always looks so good on the outside
When you get to believin'  it's true, then you know
That you're on your way"'
(David Gates, Been Too Long On The Road)

It's worth noting though that talking yourself onto a particular path is far easier than actually walking it.  Good thing I'm a "tough" hombre.




(*) Reference the title of this blog.

Practicing Gratitude

I've been taking some time lately to thank people who have helped me, taught me, inspired me, or who have been just plain kind to me over the years.  It's a wonderful exercise, and I just wish I would have taken the time to do this sooner.  Sometimes I suspect that it takes a karmic kick in the seat of the pants to boot up this kind of thing.  Anyway, I was going to write a longer post about this...the subject of practicing gratitude...when I just happened to see an entire sermon written about it by Pastor Nadia Bolz-Weber.  True story, honest.

You can read and listen to an audio recording of Pastor Nadia's* sermon HERE.  It's worthy of your time if you are interested in such things.  Oh, and we all should be interested in such things, because if we did, the world would be a far, far better place.

(*) Is that the right naming convention?  I confess to being poorly equipped when it comes to Protestant clergy titles and references.  That noted, I can recite the hierarchical structure of the Roman Catholic Church forwards and backwards.