I've been working on something for a month or two now, something that's relatively important in the larger scheme of things, something that I should have started a while ago. As part of this work, I have two assignments that are due next Saturday. I've had over a month to do this work, and yet I'm still not there yet.
It might help to be a bit more specific.
I've been tasked to write two letters related to some of the events that have shaped my life over 2016-2017. At least two letters are the actual assignment; it could be more if I wanted to. My initial reaction? I think it was along the lines of "I could do this in my sleep, standing on my head, in the midst of a Nyquil coma". As I explained at the time, I like writing and I write a lot. In fact, about half of what I write actually makes it on this site. Should be a walk in the park.
My assignment is due next Saturday, and I have one letter written.
Granted, the one letter happens to be four pages and 1,700+ words long.
I think that writing the first letter literally drained me...it was that kind of an experience. I am not an angry guy by any stretch, but yet the word "rage" is what comes to mind as the feeling I experienced as I pounded away on the key of my newly acquired mechanical keyboard. I also confess that there is some colorful language used in the letter, something that you will not (make that "hopefully will not") see in my postings on this site. I'm not proud of the profanity contained in the letter, but yet it stays. The fact remains though that I still have a minimum of another letter to write yet, on a different but yet related subject, and I have...
...interest in starting it.
What will happen? I'll start writing letter number two on the different but related topic at some point this week, ready for Saturday's deadline. I'm also sure that once I start writing it, the words will flow out. It just works that way, at least for me.
The real story here is that I'm more or less apprehensive about starting letter number two. I don't know what will be evoked as I write, which I suspect is the point of it all. I don't especially want to experience those feelings, I don't want that seeming loss of control to occur again as my fingers go about pounding keys. However, as 2017 comes to a close, it's important to me...make that very important to me...that some chapters be closed.
So why write an admittedly cryptic posting about writing something else? Two reasons come to mind. First, by way of process, it's a kind of a jump-start to actually getting my act in gear and honoring my commitment to writing these two letters. Second, and probably more importantly, provoking and evoking thoughts is kind of why I pay for this domain registration every year. Maybe if someone reads this and thinks "gee, I know how he feels about having to face some mental baggage", well maybe I will have done someone or something good.
Maybe, just maybe, in the final analysis, this is all about legacies. We all create legacies by the way. Social media specifically and the Internet in general help to foster a sense of legacy, and in fact have a wonderful way of democratizing it all. I hope that part of my legacy...soon to be looking over ten years of this blog by the way...is the picture of someone never ceased from exploring (even if that exploration was mainly confined to the inside of his head).
Friday, December 22, 2017
Letter number two was completed yesterday evening. I even re-read it today. How was the process? Well, once I started writing, I would describe it as being "easy". There was no real jump-start to get the writing going; rather, I just started pounding at the keys and it came forth.
There are, by the way, rules associated with this assignment. Chief among them was the "no editing" rule. What I wrote is what I wrote.
I'm actually glad that this is done, and I do see the wisdom in it, although I do feel a slight sense of disappointment in not getting this done sooner. Like most things though, well at least for me, this was as much about the process as it was the actual content. The actual content of the letters, by the way, is pretty good. Even by my standards.
On that note, assignment completed.