Father's Day...in the Living Years

For whatever reason, I've recently realized that the song The Living Years is just about as great a song about fatherhood as has ever been crafted.

 

For the record this does not remind me of my own father.  While I've written about my father in the past and am not really all that interested in revisiting things now, I'll simply state that my father was not in any measurable way a part of my life.  He was, in essence, a kind of "anti-example".  If anything, the lyrics of The Living Years make me think about my own legacy as a father, as well as others that I know who had fathers that were a part of their lives.

Here's the thing about legacies though: They are always written backward in time, likely in a time and place where the mortal coil will have ceased functioning.

I think the best fathers are very aware of the things they wished they had done differently, which seems to me to be the real message of the song The Living Years.  I know that there are things I wish I had done differently, but I also know that at any given moment in those past times, I was trying to do the best I could.  More than anything else, I tried to simply be present, unlike my own father.  I also hope that I have provided some sense of stability, of reasonability, of order of a sort in a world that I knew was becoming increasingly unstable, unreasonable and chaotic.  You just need to read the news to see this displayed in real time.

These days I live in what I've told Ms. Rivers is the paradox of conscious parenting: You prepare your sons and daughters to be independent and live out in the real world, making their own lives, which will often mean that you see them less.  While there have been things going on in my life that aren't necessarily very positive, words cannot express how very happy I was for my daughters to all be there when Ms. Rivers and I had an early anniversary get together a few weeks ago.  For about 2 hours when they were there, I was able to be immersed in the very best thing I have ever done as a human.

In the final analysis, I try to be a humble person, but when I think about how my children are doing, well, I have to give myself some extra grace in the pride department.  

So Happy Father's Day to all the dads that showed up, did their best, and have gotten the opportunity to look with pride upon their children, whether that view be from this world or the next.  

* * * * * *

The Living Years

(songwriters B.A.Roberston, Mike Rutherford)

Every generation

Blames the one before

And all of their frustrations

Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner

To all my Father held so dear

I know that I'm a hostage

To all his hopes and fears

I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper

Filled with imperfect thought

Stilted conversations

I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it

He says it's perfect sense

You just can't get agreement

In this present tense

We all talk a different language

Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear

You can listen as well as you hear

It's too late when we die

To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel

Between the present and the past

We only sacrifice the future

It's the bitterness that lasts

So Don't yield to the fortunes

You sometimes see as fate

It may have a new perspective

On a different day

And if you don't give up, and don't give in

You may just be OK.

Say it loud, say it clear

You can listen as well as you hear

It's too late when we die

To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning

When my Father passed away

I didn't get to tell him

All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit

Later that same year

I'm sure I heard his echo

In my baby's new born tears

I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear

You can listen as well as you hear

It's too late when we die

To admit we don't see eye to eye

Let's Be Careful Out There

 

It think it is most definitely appropriate to begin this post about current events with a scene from one of my favorite television shows ever, Hill Street Blues.

In the case of this posting, it's not just the police I think should be careful out there, but everyone.  I speak of what's happening at this very moment in Los Angeles, California.  A few disjointed thoughts are in order.

We don't use the military against our own citizens in the United States.  If you are not from the U.S. this may not seem like much, but it is a very, very big deal.  And that line has been crossed with, as of this writing, the deployment of about 700 Marines in Los Angeles.

I grieve for the individuals living in fear of deportation.  It's a fabrication...a fiction of the highest order...that every immigrant in the U.S. who is not legally here is a criminal.  They are simply the target of a bigot, picked because, based on their status, they offer zero in the way of political resistance.  

I admire the protesters in Los Angeles.  Are there opportunists using this as an excuse to sow anarchy?  Sure.  Are the vast majority of those protesting upholding the best ideals we have...standing up for others, for their community...standing up to oppression?  Absolutely.  They are heroes.

Irony is dead in Washington D.C. among many Republicans.  You can't call what happened on January 6th a peaceful event on one hand and then condemn what is happening in Los Angeles on the other.  Yet many are, and it is beyond ironic.

We should hold the police, government agents and the military to the highest possible standards of conduct.  For example, United States Marines swear an oath to uphold the Constitution and follow orders...as long as those orders don't violate the Uniform Code of Military Justice.  No member of the military should be blindly following orders.  

Whether you’re talking about soldiers in the field or generals in the theater of battle, the general rule is service members have a duty to obey lawful orders. But there is also a duty to disobey manifestly unlawful orders—that is, orders that a person of ordinary sense and understanding would know to be unlawful.  [Citation HERE.]

I am sure there are individuals among the government agents, police, National Guard and Marines who are deeply troubled by what they are being asked to do.  Spoken far better than I...

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/14uCUYHkaA/

I fear this will get worse.  One need only remember what happened a few years ago...

https://www.npr.org/2022/05/09/1097517470/trump-esper-book-defense-secretary

...to fully grasp what could be happening.

Call me overly dramatic.  I don't care.  Ditto to charges of being "liberal" or many of its variations.  What is happening in our country is wrong.  We should not be the country of deporting children from schools.  We should not be a country of bullies.  We should not be the country where the military polices cities.  If you happen to believe otherwise, well that's your prerogative, and your soul.